Breaking news! The public option is in! And, in other breaking news, the public option is out! It's both in and out at the same time.

Essentially, this is Schrödinger's public option. I'd explain it to you better, but you'd need a least a basic background in quantum mechanics to fully understand…

The Senate health care legislation will include a government-run insurance plan, but states would be allowed to "opt out" of it, the majority leader, Harry Reid of Nevada, will announce officially on Monday afternoon, Senate Democratic aides said…

Mr. Reid's office has not released any details. In theory, states that wish to opt out of the public plan would have to adopt a law to do so, which would require agreement between the state legislature and the governor.

Problem is, adopting any such law to opt out of the public option would very likely cause the wave function to collapse.* All over everyone in the state. And with the medical bills they'll be looking at after that, there's no way they'll choose to opt out.

Very clever, Mr. Reid. Perhaps I underestimated you.

.

^{* This might sound like I know what I'm talking about, but if you actually know what you're talking about, it'll be pretty obvious that I have no idea what I'm talking about.}

I just read this headline on Salon's War Room blog…

Is Reid ready to give up on the public option?

I'm gonna tell you right now that I haven't read a single sentence of the article. That said, I'd just like to hazard a guess based solely upon what I've observed of Sen. Majority Leader Harry Reid and his track record for unyielding obstinacy in the battle for Democratic causes.

Yes.

Things aren't looking good for Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid in 2010…

A new poll of Nevadans shows Reid losing to either of two potential Republican challengers. He trails Danny Tarkanian 49-38, and is behind Sue Lowden 45-40. That follows a survey conducted in May that offered similarly dispiriting results for the senator. At that time, a plurality of the state — 45 percent — said they'd "definitely" vote to replace Reid.

This hardly seems fair. Nevadarians sure are fickle, aren't they?

I mean, he's obviously been working his ass off to stay just as ineffective as he's always been. Is it his fault that now he's the leader of the super-majority in the Senate? Of course, under those kinds of circumstances, his effectiveness will increase ever-so-slightly. It'd be impossible to make it otherwise.

But look at the job he's been doing? He's already caved to pressure from the President to not reprimand Joe Lieberman at all. He's backed down after fifteen minutes of bluster over letting a disgraced governor seat a U.S. Senator for money. And now — his a coup de grace — he's allowing his own party to bitterly divide itself and be led around by completely fabricated Republican talking points.

The guy is pretty much supernaturally ineffective! What more do you want from him, Nevada?

Here's a terrible video from a town hall in Nevada that — trust me — you do not want to watch. Seriously, don't watch it. Just go about your life as though I never brought it to your attention. In fact, the only reason I did bring it to your attention was to direct your attention away from it. Here is the video that you do not want to watch. Be careful, you might accidentally watch it!

Did you watch it? You watched it, didn't you? Ugh! Why did you do that?! I told you not to. Anyway, now that you have, you're probably going to want to bond with other people who have undergone the same trauma. For the sake of recovery.

So, um, what was your favorite part? The part where the horrible anti-semite bigot woman yells "Heil Hitler" at the Jewish guy because he dared to speak well of his native Israel? Or the part at the very end where she does this disgustingly condescending boo hoo hoo thing in response to the Jewish guy's indignance at paying $8,000 out-of-pocket for two hours of treatment in the hospital?

Mine was the part where I punched myself in the face with my fist for being the same species of animal as that lady.

Seriously, though, I had it coming.

Let's start the day with some upbeat news, for once. Here's a heartwarming little story about neighbors helping neighbors: It seems Nevada Sen. John Ensign's elderly parents, at their son's request, made a donation to an area family that had been burned by fallout from John Ensign's penis. Wasn't that generous of them?

Republican Sen. John Ensign said today his parents paid the family of his mistress $96,000 in April 2008, as she and her husband were ending their employment with him.

In a statement issued this afternoon, Ensign said his parents made the gifts "out of concern of the well-being of the longtime family friends during a difficult time."

Of course, in this day and age no good deed goes unpunished…

Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington, an ethics watchdog group, called on the Department of Justice and the Senate Ethics Committee to investigate the payments. The Justice Department and Senate committee, in compliance with longstanding policy, don't comment on matters they may investigate.

And that's what we get for letting the Democrats take over Washington, a couple can't even make a simple payoff to their son's mistress and her husband and their two young children (!!) without the Nanny State getting involved.

Don't these "watchdogs" remember the old saying about charity beginning at home?

Not that he had much chance of winning anyway, things aren't looking good for Sen. John Ensign's chances of running for president next time around…