So, this morning marked the first time in eight years that an American president has addressed the United Nations General Assembly with full understanding that he was not talking to some other chamber of Congress that he'd just been told about on the plane ride over…

In a half-hour speech that was greeted warmly by world leaders, the U.S. president outlined "four pillars" that he called "fundamental to the future that we want for our children" — nuclear disarmament, Middle East peace, environmental restoration and economic growth. He chastised North Korea and Iran, warning of consequences if they do not back down from their nuclear programs.

"If the governments of Iran and North Korea choose to ignore international standards, if they put the pursuit of nuclear weapons ahead of regional stability and the security and opportunity of their own people, if they are oblivious to the dangers of escalating nuclear arms races in both East Asia and the Middle East, then they must be held accountable," the U.S. president said. "The world must stand together to demonstrate that international law is not an empty promise, and that Treaties will be enforced."

And if that doesn't work, we will nuke them. Do not think that we won't.

Anyway, here's the whole speech, in case you're interested. (If not, you can just wait for the SNL sketch.)

* I think Anarachy Bear's dilemma might be moot. I mean, have you been paying attention what's been going on with Dittohead Bear?

* The New York Times fires columnist Ben Stein for questioning evolution, believing in God and being critical of Barack Obama… Oh, and also maybe a little bit for engaging in consumer fraud. But just a little.

* Who will Barack Obama's Death Panel vote off of this island we call life? He's not here to make friends.

* It looks like Kim Jong Il will live to pretend to be healthy another day.

* New poll: 7% of New Jerseyans involved in human organ harvesting operation with their local mayor.

Bill Clinton loves the spotlight, so it was only a matter of time after the '08 election before he found a way to grab it again. Personally, I expected him to maybe bust out some Foghat covers on the sax at a State dinner or drop his pants at the UN or drop his pants at a State dinner or drop his pants at a Foghat concert, so rescuing a couple of imprisoned journalists was a really pleasant surprise.

The Colbert Report's take on Clinton's heroics can be found after the jump.

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Two American journalists held captive by the North Korean government have been freed after former-President Bill Clinton paid a visit to Kim Jong Il.

Many questions remain about Clinton's decision to meet with the North Korean leader. After all, isn't that his wife's job? What could possibly motivate the ex-POTUS to leave what is surely a life of luxury and venture into a cold and oppressive regime?

Footage from the APTN television news agency showed the arriving Clinton exchanging warm handshakes with the officials and accepting a bouquet of flowers from a schoolgirl.

Perhaps we'll never know.

The other day Secretary of State Hillary Clinton decided to have some fun with the gang in North Korea, because as everyone knows, improv comedy is the international language of diplomacy.

So Hillary starts the scene with a classic zinger: "Hey, Pyongyang, you're a bunch of juvenile attention whores!" (I think she learned that one at UCB.)

Throw it back, North Korea, and don't step on the laugh…

[A North Korean Foreign Ministry spokesman] called Clinton "by no means intelligent" and a "funny lady."

"Sometimes she looks like a primary schoolgirl and sometimes a pensioner going shopping," the statement said.

Ahahahahahaha! The ol' "pensioner going shopping" line, that always kills. Well played, North Korean Foreign Ministry standup spokesman.

Let's be realistic, though. All of this will be a lot less funny when they launch the nuclear rubber chickens.

I'm not sure what to make of the recent speculations about Kim Jong-il's failing health…

An image of the North Korean leader, Kim Jong-il, shown recently on government-run television appears to be a doctored version of an earlier photo, raising the possibility that Mr. Kim’s health has deteriorated to the point where he has had to skip public appearances, a South Korean newspaper reported on Monday.

Take a look for yourself at the "new" photo alongside the one that was supposedly doctored and come to your own conclusions. Pay special attention to the bottom-row corners…

What do you think? Personally, I'm still on the fence.