* Vanity Fair gives it up for the pimpest evil dictator of all time.

* Joe the Plumber on the patriotic virtues of beating up an old lady. That is one classy faux-plumber.

* Evil cartoon characters Karl Rove and Rush Limbaugh to be animated.

* Texas schools to start teaching the Bible as part of curriculum in last ditch effort wrest idiocy title from Oklahoma.

* Have you googled "Santorum" recently?

The Senate Republicans are afraid. Oh so very afraid…

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa! Hold it right there. I was under the impression that these Gitmo prisoners were gonna be relocated into new military prison cells where they would be guarded by soldiers and kept safely away from the general public.

If Obama's planning on moving them into the foreclosed house down the street, my parents' spare bedroom, and the crawl space under my nephew's crib — as this ad seems to be suggesting — I am not cool with that.

Man, there sure has been a lot of arguing lately about what we should be teaching our children in science class.

On one hand, you see, many teachers are religious and want to teach the kids that everything in the world was created by a magic person who used magic to create us with magic (otherwise known as "Intelligent Design"). And on the other hand, they'd rather not be laughed out of the science teacher's club.

So, what to do?

Well, the Oklahoma GOP has been scratching its head over the problem and — in its newly released platform — lays out the solution for its state's unscientifically-minded scientists…

We believe that the scientific evidence supporting Intelligent Design and biblical creation should be included in the Oklahoma public school curricula, and if any evolution theory is taught, that both should receive equal funding, class time, and material. Teachers should have the freedom to cover creation science without fear of intimidation, reprimand, or lack of professional respect.

There you go. Problem solved!

Under their proposition — in addition to protecting the teachers from having to abide by the First Amendment — it would be illegal for you to not respect them for not being professional. Why didn't we think of that earlier?

Once they solved they puzzle, they quickly came up with a way to represent all religions equally in our schools while simultaneously elevating Judeo-Christian tenets above all others.

It just goes to show you:  With God, all things are possible.

In case you were wondering what the top ten most morally-upright states in the union were, look no further than this new poll from Gallup…

No comment.

(via DFTCW)

Yesterday, Eric revealed that Republican Sen. Tom Coburn would be serenading Democratic Sen. Bill Nelson of Florida with Elton John's 1972 classic "Rocket Man."

Well, now that there's video…

…it's clear to the sharp-eared among us that Coburn wasn't singing Elton John's 1972 classic "Rocket Man."

He was singing William Shatner's 1978 classic "Rocket Man" (and he's not the first to be inspired by it):

Man, it's a good thing I'm high as a kite right now…

Last week, I bet Dennis that if the Giants beat the Eagles, he would supply me with 800 Philly cheesesteaks. If the Eagles won, I would have to write a mildly amusing blog post about whatever mildly amusing bet the mildly competent Senators from the two states represented in the Orange Bowl made on this year's national championship game:

Forget all those inaugural concerts. The most pressing musical issue in the nation's capital is whether a stone-face senator from Oklahoma will hit the high notes in "Rocket Man" to pay off a college football bet.

Republican Sen. Tom Coburn is slated to serenade Democratic Sen. Bill Nelson of Florida with his very own rendition of Elton John's 1970s classic Wednesday afternoon.

Coburn owes Nelson because the Florida Gators defeated the Oklahoma Sooners 24-14 in last week's BCS title game. Nelson chose "Rocket Man" because he is a former astronaut who flew on the space shuttle Columbia in the 1980s.

If Oklahoma had won, Nelson would have had to sing the title song from the musical "Oklahoma!" It also happens to be the official state song.

If Plaxico Burress hadn't shot himself in the leg, you wouldn't have had to know about that.