* Vanity Fair gives it up for the pimpest evil dictator of all time.

* Joe the Plumber on the patriotic virtues of beating up an old lady. That is one classy faux-plumber.

* Evil cartoon characters Karl Rove and Rush Limbaugh to be animated.

* Texas schools to start teaching the Bible as part of curriculum in last ditch effort wrest idiocy title from Oklahoma.

* Have you googled "Santorum" recently?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa whoa! Hold it right there. I was under the impression that these Gitmo prisoners were gonna be relocated into new military prison cells where they would be guarded by soldiers and kept safely away from the general public.

If Obama's planning on moving them into the foreclosed house down the street, my parents' spare bedroom, and the crawl space under my nephew's crib — as this ad seems to be suggesting — I am not cool with that.

On one hand, you see, many teachers are religious and want to teach the kids that everything in the world was created by a magic person who used magic to create us with magic (otherwise known as "Intelligent Design"). And on the other hand, they'd rather not be laughed out of the science teacher's club.

So, what to do?

Well, the Oklahoma GOP has been scratching its head over the problem and — in its newly released platform — lays out the solution for its state's unscientifically-minded scientists…

We believe that the scientific evidence supporting Intelligent Design and biblical creation should be included in the Oklahoma public school curricula, and if any evolution theory is taught, that both should receive equal funding, class time, and material. Teachers should have the freedom to cover creation science without fear of intimidation, reprimand, or lack of professional respect.

There you go. Problem solved!

Under their proposition — in addition to protecting the teachers from having to abide by the First Amendment — it would be illegal for you to not respect them for not being professional. Why didn't we think of that earlier?

Once they solved they puzzle, they quickly came up with a way to represent all religions equally in our schools while simultaneously elevating Judeo-Christian tenets above all others.

It just goes to show you:  With God, all things are possible.

No comment.

(via DFTCW)

Well, now that there's video…

…it's clear to the sharp-eared among us that Coburn wasn't singing Elton John's 1972 classic "Rocket Man."

He was singing William Shatner's 1978 classic "Rocket Man" (and he's not the first to be inspired by it):

Man, it's a good thing I'm high as a kite right now…

Forget all those inaugural concerts. The most pressing musical issue in the nation's capital is whether a stone-face senator from Oklahoma will hit the high notes in "Rocket Man" to pay off a college football bet.

Republican Sen. Tom Coburn is slated to serenade Democratic Sen. Bill Nelson of Florida with his very own rendition of Elton John's 1970s classic Wednesday afternoon.

Coburn owes Nelson because the Florida Gators defeated the Oklahoma Sooners 24-14 in last week's BCS title game. Nelson chose "Rocket Man" because he is a former astronaut who flew on the space shuttle Columbia in the 1980s.

If Oklahoma had won, Nelson would have had to sing the title song from the musical "Oklahoma!" It also happens to be the official state song.

If Plaxico Burress hadn't shot himself in the leg, you wouldn't have had to know about that.

Yes, it appears that Oklahoma missed the memo that we were all supposed to elect Barack Obama last week, as evidenced by the fact that all 77 of its counties voted resoundingly for John McCain…

McCain got 65.6 percent of the vote in Oklahoma, the highest state percentage for him in the country, even though Democrats hold an edge in voter registration by about 300,000.

The senator from Arizona swept all 77 counties, repeating President Bush's feat four years ago against Sen. John F. Kerry (D-Mass.). No Democrat has won a presidential race here since Lyndon B. Johnson's landslide in 1964.

The entire state got into the voting-Republican-in-vain action, including…

* 62% of Cleveland County, which includes the University of Oklahoma. (Even in Kansas, Wyoming and Idaho, the big college counties vote Democratic. Not here.)

* 58% of Oklahoma County, despite the fact that all three Flaming Lips live there.

* 70% of "The Little Dixie" region of southeast Oklahoma, where GOP Sen. James Inhofe claims to have developed his highly successful platform of "guns, God and gays."

* 87% of the Oklahoma panhandle, free from the sway of those gay hippies back in Stillwater.

So let the record be clear: On Election Day, no one was more pro-America than the good people of Oklahoma.

And if the other 49 states have a problem with that, they can move to Canada.

For years, newspaper sales had been plummeting all around the country. It seemed that today's news consumers simply preferred getting the latest information from newfangled media sources like TV and brilliant, cutting-edge websites.

But all of that changed Wednesday morning when America woke up after Obama's historic victory and decided to revive a dying industry. They snapped up every copy of the newspaper in sight, causing the following to happen…

* The Washington Post printed an additional 700,000 copies over Wednesday and Thursday in order to meet demand that had thousands of people lined up outside of their headquarters.

* Bidding on EBay skyrocketed to $590 for a copy of Wednesday's New York Times. (The crossword puzzle had been left intact, making it especially valuable.)

* Even the Daily Oklahoman, dubbed "the worst newspaper in America" by the Columbia Journalism Review, and previously best known for its infamous "You Have Cancer" series, sold out.

* A man in Bellingham, Washington bought 10,000 copies of the Bellingham Herald in the hopes of selling them to finance his retirement.

Meanwhile in Detroit, seeking to cash in on the election-fueled economic burst, desperate automakers announced plans to ramp up production of the Obamamobile.

Florida and Missouri are too close to call.

Somehow, McCain managed to win OK. WTF?

By the way, Brit Hume just called their setup "the strategery room." Aw…