Do you not care at all about where the Olympics are being held eight years from now? Well, join the not caring club.

Except, don't join that club! Because it turns out that the fact that the Olympics aren't going to be held in Chicago means that Barack Obama has lost his re-election bid in 2012 and also that the world has decided to impeach him from the world…

Give up, everybody else on the Internet. You will never beat Matt Drudge.

The Obamas and Oprah are lobbying hard for Chicago to get the 2016 Summer Olympics, and last night Stephen Colbert and George Wendt joined the cause. Personally, I can't help but wonder, aren't any of these people worried that if the games are in Chicago, Steve Bartman will snatch the javelins out of the air and ruin everything? (Get it? Steve Bartman? Ask your parents. Your parents are jokes-that-were-kind-of-funny-in-2003-ologists, right? Good.)

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Barack Obama, this hapless idiot. Look what he's doing on Friday: instead of staying home and fixing health care or winning the war in Afghanistan, he is taking four entire hours to address the International Olympic Committee, a thing no national leader (except Tony Blair and Vladimir Putin) has ever done before, in order to support his country's bid for the next Olympics.

Four entire hours, geez, just think how much productive work Barack Obama could do in that time — why, he could read Chuck Grassley's entire Twitter feed from top to bottom, but nooooo…

Putting his political prestige on the line, President Obama has decided to fly to Denmark this week to appeal to the International Olympic Committee to choose Chicago, his adopted hometown, as host of the 2016 Games. [...]

"With all the pressing issues we're facing right now, I think hopping off to Copenhagen is problematic," said Mark McKinnon, a Republican media consultant who worked for President George W. Bush. "People elected Obama to be president — not the head of the Illinois Chamber of Commerce."

And that right there is the most damning bit of all: Chicago is only Obama's adopted hometown, not even his real hometown.

If Barack Obama is going to twiddle his thumbs for four entire hours while health care/Afghanistan burns, he could at least do it on behalf of his real hometown, in Kenya, where Lord knows they need an economic boost even more than Chicago.

No, this is not a Photoshopped image.

No, really, it's not…

It is in fact an photograph of Barack Obama — the President of the United States — attacking Olympic medalist fencer Tim Morehead with a lightsaber on the front lawn of the White House.

That's either the coolest thing ever or the dorkiest thing ever; I haven't decided which.

Actually, it's probably both.

Submitted by Michael C., with 32% of the vote. Thanks, as always, to everyone who participated!