Osama bin Laden, audio tape surfaces, death to America, blah blah blah…

In a tape released Sunday by al-Qaida's media wing [Ed note: al-Qaida's media wing??], terrorist leader Osama bin Laden said President Barack Obama is "powerless" to stop the war in Afghanistan.

Bin Laden's address to the American people comes two days after the eighth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks. He typically addresses the United States in a message around the Sept. 11 anniversary.

It's kind of like our anniversary. And here we were thinking he'd forgot.

When Obama became president and retained many of the Bush administration's military leaders, such as Defense Secretary Robert Gates, "reasonable people knew that Obama is a powerless man who will not be able to end the war as he promised," bin Laden said.

"If you end the war, so to it," bin Laden said. "But if it is otherwise, all we will do is continue the war of attrition against you on all possible axes."

Ugh! This guy. I'm sorry; I don't mean to be impolite, but I just have to say it: I really do not care for this Osama bin Laden fellow. Not at all.

I mean, first there's the whole thing with him killing several thousand innocent Americans, which right there makes him pretty much a total jerk. And there's the protracted war in the Middle East, which, I know, was really more the doing of the Bush administration than al-Qaida, but still, bin Laden's being a real d-bag about it.

And now there's this thing with the needling and the yelling names at us from some hiding place in a Pakistani cave or wherever. Not for nothing, but that is just classic douchebag behavior.

Yeah, I don't like him at all. He's pretty much even worse than Taylor Max.

* Sam Harris: Not for nothing, but why do we have a top government scientist who believes in magic?

* DADT to get asked, told in Senate this fall.

* Michael Steele, Eric Cantor BFFs with Orly Taitz, the leader of the birther rebellion on Facebook. (So, BFBFFs?)

* The Onion: Ordinary Americans respond to the death of Osama bin Laden's son.

* Sen. Jim Bunning (R-KY) retiring due to lack of people giving a shit.

* Nancy Pelosi doesn't care if she's unpopular. Good thing.

If you have a computer, a television, a radio, a cell phone, or a pair of tin cans connected by string, you've probably heard that Barack Obama gave a speech at Cairo University this afternoon, part of an attempt to repair tattered relations between the Muslim world and the U.S./appease terrorists, depending on how you see things.

And yet! Reaction from the conservative blogosphere has been strangely — what is the word? Rhymes with 'national.'

Hot Air…

On the whole, though, Obama defended American positions on Israel and Afghanistan with more strength than he does here at home. [...] I don’t hear anything in this speech that Bush didn’t say himself.

Red State…

The first 15 minutes of President Obama’s speech to the Muslim world was what I wanted to hear from candidate Obama a year ago. Had he given that portion of his speech during the presidential campaign much of the irrational fear of Obama as some sort of Muslim Manchurian candidate would have been relieved. [...] This was one of President Obama’s more important speeches and he rose to the occasion and delivered a fine speech.

Little Green Footballs…

Overall, this was a pretty good speech… It’s doubtful that this one speech is going to lead to a “new beginning between the United States and Muslims around the world,” but it’s certainly going to give the Muslim world a lot to talk about.

Fine. So this is just up to me and Michelle Malkin now, is that it? Shocking truth after the jump.

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Man, talk about a tough critic! It seems like nothing Barack Obama does is good enough for that Osama bin Laden guy…

Bin Laden claimed U.S. pressure led to a campaign of "killing, fighting, bombing and destruction" that prompted the exodus of a million Muslims from Swat Valley in northwest Pakistan.

The message was broadcast for the first time on pan-Arab Al-Jazeera Television around the same time Obama touched down in Saudi Arabia at the start of a Mideast visit. He is trying repair relations with the Muslim world frayed under the previous Bush administration.

"Elderly people, children and women fled their homes and lived in tents as refugees after they have lived in dignity in their homes," bin Laden said. "Let the American people be ready to reap what the White House leaders have sown," he added.

You know what? That offends me. I'm sorry, but I think that kind of hyper-partisan fundamentalist jihadist talk just crosses the line. I know you guys think I'm too sensitive, but I'm of the opinion that direct threats of mass murder could lead to violence.

Somebody should take that guy off the air.

This has got to be the most delicious-smelling form of enhanced interrogation I've heard of since the infamous bacon rack…

Fascinating piece coming in tomorrow's TIME magazine. Reporter Bobby Ghosh writes, "The most successful interrogation of an al-Qaeda operative by U.S. officials required no sleep deprivation, no slapping or 'walling' and no waterboarding.

"All it took to soften up Abu Jandal, who had been closer to Osama bin Laden than any other terrorist ever captured, was a handful of sugar-free cookies."

I cannot believe that in this day and age, we're actually still debating whether or not sugar-free snacks should be considered torture.

Have you ever tried Diet Dr. Pepper? Have you attempted to swallow it? I have. There is nothing about the experience that is any way similar to the senatation of eating food.

I still have nightmares from time to time.

Update: I've just managed to obtain photographic evidence of this new technique being used on one of those so-called terrorist monsters.

Yesterday, Jesse Ventura — the former professional wrestler who has a smarter, more morally defensible take on torture than our president does — went on The View, of all places, yesterday to fight about the definition of "waterboarding" with Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

Then, last night, he swung by Sean Hannity's sound stage*…

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And then, this morning, he was on Fox and Friends…

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So, he's obviously making the media circuit in descending order of intelligence. I wonder what's next on his schedule? Too bad The Tony Danza Show isn't still on the air.

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* Watching that clip made my brain hurt. I can't even imagine what it must be like to get your world view from Sean Hannity. With the sense of reality you'd be left with, how would you even manage to perform basic everyday tasks?