Good for you, Texas! You did it!

A lot of people thought that you couldn't possibly legislate your way into a completely alternative reality than the rest of the world with just a little gumption and a fair share of prayer to Bronze Age Middle Eastern deities, but not me! I always had faith in you!

And you did not prove me wrong…

After three days of turbulent meetings, the Texas Board of Education on Friday voted to approve a social studies curriculum that will put a conservative stamp on history and economics textbooks, stressing the superiority of American capitalism, questioning the Founding Father’s commitment to a purely secular government and presenting Republican political philosophies in a more positive light…

The conservative members maintain that they are trying to correct what they see as a liberal bias among the teachers who proposed the curriculum. To that end, they made dozens of minor changes aimed at calling into question, among other things, concepts like the separation of church and state and the secular nature of the American Revolution…

They also included a plank to ensure that students learn about "the conservative resurgence of the 1980s and 1990s, including Phyllis Schalfly, the Contract With America, the Heritage Foundation, the Moral Majority and the National Rifle Association."

Great ideas all around. I've always said that we need more information about the NRA in our schoolbooks. Don't you feel like you had a dangerously low amount of semi-automatic rifle learnin' back in grade school? (Yes, you do, obviously.)

Oh, and that's not all! The Texas BOE also voted to keep out references to deviants like transvestites, transsexuals and Thomas Jefferson. It's about time someone booted that old queen, am I right. (Yes, of course I am, obviously.)

Bow your heads, America.  Despite a spirited campaign that left shattered glass and dead moose everywhere it went, reality has set in: America is still too sexist for a female vice-president.

If not now, when America??  How dare you vote for Barack Obama just because Sarah Palin is a woman?  She wasn't even convicted in that Troopergate thing for crying out loud!

Looks like we're going to have to wait until 2012 for women to get a fair share in this country.  Michelle Malkin, Phyllis Schlafly, we're looking at you.