If you'd been at the Crash Mansion bar and performance place in New York City last week, you'd already know what the one thing that's dryer that McCain's personality is.*

*Hint – it's obscene.

After the jump, Mike Drucker reveals why you wouldn't like the U.S. Army when it's angry.

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Walter liked what happened in Florida in 2000 so much he named his grandson Dangling Chad.

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John Fugelsang doesn't think anyone could be dumb enough to think that Hillary Clinton represents change.

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Susie Essman says the whole election cycle is one gigantic musical comedy.

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When Hillary Clinton said, "I'm in it to win it," Jeffrey Ross wanted to hit it:

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He'd make the Bible illegal and his slogan would be, "If we can't kill rednecks, let's make them want to leave."

Hear more from Dan when he appears on the latest season of Comedy Central Presents, tomorrow night!