If outlawing divorce was good enough for the Babylonians, then it's good enough for California…

This video comes from some smartypants called RescueMarriage.org who think their pants are so smart that they introduced the 2010 California Marriage Protection Act — which not-completely-genuinely aims to protect marriage from the evils of divorce — in response to last year's Proposition 8 — which genuinely genuinely genuinely aimed to protect marriage from the evils of marriage.

And it looks like they'll be assembling next month…

On November 14, 2009, thousands of Californians will be united in a common cause as we march on the state capitol building to demand a return to traditional values as part of our petition kick-off event.

Participate in democracy the American way, by shouting angrily, using inflammatory rhetoric and memorizing jingoistic slogans to chant or misspell on signs.

I'm curious to see what their protest march looks like. No way that those people will be funnier than these people.

The other day — while charming the pants off of every liberal person in Hollywood — Barack Obama took a brief moment away from comparing himself to Franklin Roosevelt to acknowledge the gays who were protesting outside like a bunch of gays…

"One of them said, 'Obama, keep your promise,' and I thought that's fair," he said. "I don't know which promise he was talking about."

The crowd cracked up.

Hahahahahahaha! Oh, my! What a wonderfully witty president we have.

And it's so true. There's no possible way of knowing "which promise he was talking about." I mean, was it the promise to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell? Or the one to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act? Could'a been either. Or any of the other promises he made to the homosexual community and social liberals in general.

Too bad that silly gay guy wasn't more specific, huh?

November 20, 2003: Queers Vie for the Straight Tie

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This is just so typical, California. Just so typical…

The California Supreme Court upheld a ban on same-sex marriage today, ratifying a decision made by voters last year that runs counter to a growing trend of states allowing the practice…

Today's decision, written by Chief Justice Ronald M. George for a 6-to-1 majority, said that same-sex couples still have the right to civil unions, which gives them the ability to "choose one's life partner and enter with that person into a committed, officially recognized, and protected family relationship that enjoys all of the constitutionally based incidents of marriage." But the justices said that the voters had clearly expressed their will to limit the formality of marriage to heterosexual couples.

You sure are going out of your way to prove what a big, strong, heterosexual, traditional-values state you are there, Golden State.

But, you know what? You're not fooling anyone.

Remember Miss California Carrie Prejean, that brave little leathery beauty contestant who boldly took a stand against civil liberties in front of — I don't know — dozens of TV viewers over the weekend and ultimately ended up losing the pageant?

Well, it turns out that it wasn't her fault she lost or made an idiot of herself on television. It was God's will…

"Out of all the topics I studied up on, I dreaded that one; I prayed I would not be asked about gay marriage," Prejean told the Fox News Channel's Courtney Friel in an exclusive interview. "If I had any other question, I know I would have won."

Wow! She truly will be remembered as one of the great martyrs of Christendom.

In her interview with Friel, Prejean explained that, ultimately, the greatest judge of her character was not the one who asked her the question, but the one who doesn't need a TV camera to watch her answer.

Santa Claus is against gay marriage?

"This happened for a reason. By having to answer that question in front of a national audience, God was testing my character and faith," Prejean said. "I'm glad I stayed true to myself."

Oh, God. Duh!

Wait, so God fixed it so Miss California would lose? Even after the whole state voted to roll back homosexuals' rights to marry?

Oh. I'll bet he's still mad about Brokeback Mountain.

Sen. Chuck Schumer sounds like he's finally ready to bring the big gay fight to big gay New York…

In what could become a watershed moment for LGBT activism in the Empire State, senior New York Sen. Chuck Schumer announced last night he now supports marriage for same-sex couples and is committed to a full repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act…

"It’s time," Schumer’s office said in a statement to the Daily News. "Equality is something that has always been a hallmark of America and no group should be deprived of it. New York, which has always been at the forefront on issues of equality, is appropriately poised to take a lead on this issue."

Oh, how nice! This'll give the Mormons an opportunity to come and visit and see their old birthplace. They can take breaks from subjugating minority groups and fighting against civil liberties to go antiquing and stuff.

Oh, that might get awkward, though.