Obviously, this is the biggest scandal ever in the history of these United States of America…

That bit at the end, with Glenn Beck gleefully hurling his own feces at detractors, that seemed unfair.

He'd almost certainly be crying.

* Larry Craig's first piece of advice as your new consultant: Don't listen to anything Larry Craig tells you to do.

* Never accuse Meghan McCain of not having a sense of humor! Never!! (She really hates it when people confuse her with her mom.)

* In Lou Dobbs's dreams, Rachel Maddow is his very own tea-bagging queen.

* The Lobbyists! There's just too many of them! Game over, man! Game over!

* Jesus Christ! Why is Joe Biden talking the godamned Lord's name in vain, for Christ's sake?

* And the winner for The Year's Most Idiotic Piece of Political Punditry goes to…

In case you have just a tiny little bit of tolerance for idiotic delusional talking points in there, this'll squeeze the last bit out…

Totally, totally, totally unfair of Rachel Maddow to use facts against Pat Buchanan's arguments! She should know how much he hates those!

If you're interested, you can find the original Maddow/Buchanan cage battle after the jump…

Over the past few weeks, we've explored the sibling rivalry between television/radio correspondents and bloggers. But what better way to end this feature than with an inspiring story which shows us how blogger-correspondent collaboration can literally save lives…

It seemed like any other Amtrak train on any other crisp April night. But it very much was not. Greta Von Susteren and her husband were aboard the DC-NY Amtrak train, when, all of a sudden, Von Susteren's husband, John Coale, heard a frightening sound, and nudged his wife to attention. Greta recognized the sound and knew it was one thing and one thing only: a food allergy attack. Herself a food allergic individual, Greta knew what she needed to do. Armed with a bendaryl tablet, Von Susteren ran to the rescue of the would-be victim and bravely administered the antihistamine.

The saved allergy-sufferer recalls the "indescribably terrifying" attack and the soothing words of her savior. "She was like 'I think I know what is happening to you. Don't worry about it. We're going to get you a Benadryl'." Though she'll never know for sure, the Benadryl recipient suspects that without the interVontion, "It would have been a thousand times worse." Greta claims, "I didn't do anything heroic. I did what anyone would have done." Maybe anyone would have done this.

But the person Von Susteren saved wasn't just anyone. She was none other than "far-left person" Ana Marie Cox.

The Fox News correspondent's actions were so brave Bill O'Reilly knighted Von Susteren a "Patriot" and stated that "Ironically, Miss Cox, a far-left person, now may owe her life to the Fox News Channel." Destiny (or bladder control) intervened once again, a month later when the two ran into each other, a month later, in the ladies room at White House Correspondents' Association dinner. Amidst the sound of hand blow dryers and flushing toilets, Cox uttered the following words: "Thank you for saving my life."

These women certainly have their differences (see chart below). But they were able to put them aside.

Imagine how many lives could be saved through correspondent-blogger collaboration! What if they put down their weapons — their pens, their handheld devices aimed to tweet, their scripts — with which they fight each other, and instead, pick up a Benadyrl and Epipen and unite around the common enemy of food allergies.

How many people die each day, nameless casualties of blogger on blogger, correspondent on correspondent, and blogger on correspondent, correspondent on blogger violence? If this story shows us anything — anything at all — it is that the world will be a better and safer place if we bridge the gaps that threaten to separate us, and refrain from ordering Amtrak's lentil salad.

14. Stone Phillips

13. Jim Lehrer

12. Joe Scarborough

11. Jim Cramer

10. Pat Buchanan

9. Ira Glass

8. Rachel Maddow

7. Katie Couric

6. Fareed Zakaria

5. Chris Matthews

4. Geraldo Rivera

3. Anderson Cooper

2. Cookie Monster

1. Bill O'Reilly – The Lost Tapes

It's the smoke! The Smooooooooooke!

14. Rachel Maddow

13. Brian Williams

12. Anderson Cooper

10. Ira Glass

9. Katie Couric

8. Ted Koppel

7. Chris Wallace

6. Howard Stern

5. Dennis Miller

4. Tom Brokaw

3. Jack Cafferty

2. Bill O'Reilly

1. Chris Matthews

You can't see it, but there's a pile of dead babies just beneath the frame.

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* Not safe for National Rifle Association conference.

And He shall be called Rand Paul. And He shall run for U.S. Senate in Kentucky. And He shall have gloriously curly locks of salt-and-pepper hair that shall drip with the oil that shall fuel a libertarian uprising!

And Rachel Maddow scored an interview with Him last night.

(You'll have to wade through some not-completely un-entertaining stuff involving Roberta McCain, Rush Limbaugh and Charlie Crist, but the Rand Paul interview begins at around the 3:15 mark.)

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Listen to Rand Paul's voice. Look into his eyes. Now, I don't wanna sound like some totally insane crazy nut job — no offense, Ron Paul supporters, no offense! — but I suspect that Rand Paul is, in fact, just a slow-aging clone of his father Ron.

You know, like Boba was to Jango.

If that's the case, then we really need to listen to what he says. He possesses knowledge that we can only dream about! And he might own a jet pack.