When plucky arch-conservative Doug Hoffman — representing Glenn Beck's Tea Party Party –stepped into the race for New York's 23rd district, even though Republican Dede Scozzafava was already running, he was on his way to truly making history.

And, last night, he and all his supporters — including Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh and Michelle Malkin — achieved what many thought could not be done: They delivered the NY-23 congressional seat into Democratic hands for the first time in more than a century…

Democrat Bill Owens Tuesday won New York's 23rd Congressional District, parts of which have been in Republican hands since the Civil War.

Conservative Doug Hoffman conceded shortly after midnight. With 88 percent of precincts reporting, Owens led Hoffman by nearly 4,300 votes.

What more proof do you need that the politics of divisiveness really does achieve results?

Looks like she did it! Sarah Palin has successfully robocalled her way into a thrilling victory against Barack Obama in Virginia to win the governorship for Robert McDonnell…

The gubernatorial race in the Old Dominion State goes to Robert McDonnell, the Republican candidate and former attorney general. We’re all calling the race for the G.O.P. candidate, with R. Creigh Deeds, the Democrat and state senator, trailing.

Congratulations to Ms. Palin. I think I speak for everyone when I say that we all knew you and your values could do it!

But what happens to Obama now? Does he just resign tomorrow? He's not gonna have to serve out the remaining three years of his lame duck presidency, will he?

I know that tomorrow isn't a real Election Day. But still, we can all pretend. Right?

Right…

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New Jersey Gubernatorial Race – Jon Corzine (D) vs. Chris Christie (R)

Why should you pretend to care?

Like a lot of elections this year, this will probably have less to do with whether New Jersians want to give Corzine another shot in office and more to do with Barack Obama is a Satanist Muslim from Kenya NO MORE TAXES FOR JESUS!! So, you know, I guess we'll see.

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Virginia Gubernatorial Race – Bob McDonnell (R) vs. Creigh Deeds (D)

Who gives a shit?

As it turns out, Sarah Palin gives a shit. She, it would seem, gives a huge shit. The 2012 presidential hopeful has been expending some political cash and releasing her robot doppelganger to go robo-calling Virginites and asking them to "vote for Sarah's principles." Also, if they'd buy her new book, that'd probably be pretty okay, too.

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New York's 23rd Congressional District Race – Bill Owens (D) vs. Doug Hoffman (C)

Can you just sleep through this?

You can, but you'll be missing one of the finest examples of conservative implosions in weeks. This was supposed to be a race between Owens and Republican Dede Scozzafava. But then conservatives decided Scozzafava was — and I quote — "a radical leftist," because they're pretty much cartoon characters pretending to be real people. So, in turn, Scozzafava responded by dropping out and supporting the Democrat. Hi-Larry-ous! This one should actually be entertaining for real.

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New York City Mayoral Race – Incumbent Michael Bloomberg vs. William Thompson

So what?

So, this all boils down to the single most important political question since the beginning of time: Why not just buy this election? The answer: Sure, why not.

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Maine's Proposition 1 and Washington's Referendum 71

What it to you?

Well, it's not really anything to you. Unless you're gay. Or have a gay family member. Or know somebody who's gay. Or just support equality in civil rights and the ideals set forth in the Constitution of the United States.

If not, though, I guess you can just ignore this one.

Pretty much the only thing self-imploding Democratic Party has going for it these days is that the Republican Party has been working overtime to be self-implodinger.

Take, for example, the case of Dede Scozzafava, Republican candidate for New York's 23rd Congressional seat, who was insufficiently homophobic and anti-womens' rights for her party. Did she and her party put their differences about how much gay people should be prejudiced against aside and just fight for that seat together?

Well, let's see…

Scozzafava stepped aside Oct. 31 after her lead in polls evaporated and former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, a Republican, endorsed [Conservative candidate Doug] Hoffman. Scozzafava said she was "outspent on both sides." Republicans have just two other seats in New York's 29- member House delegation.

Oh, so, maybe I was wrong. She stepped aside so that conservatives didn't split the vote and end up putting a Democrat in office.

Wait, what?

Scozzafava, a state assemblywoman, yesterday announced she is supporting Democrat Bill Owens in his race against Doug Hoffman, the Conservative Party candidate, in a Nov. 3 special election in New York's traditionally Republican 23rd congressional district.

Lieberman/Scozzafava 2012! We are the people to fuck ourselves over we've been waiting for!

The real life reality show that is the Palin family continues on, showing no sign that it will be canceled anytime in the foreseeable future.

In today's episode, the crazy lady who thirsts for fame and money and also wants to be President of the United States one day fires off a frothing rebuttal of allegations that she has ever done anything unpleasant ever, made by a guy who's getting ready to begin his career in soft core porn…

During an interview on CBS' "Early Show,"Johnston repeated and expanded upon an allegation he'd made earlier, that Palin refers to her son Trig — who has Down Syndrome — as "retarded."… Palin has issued a statement responding to Johnston…

"We have purposefully ignored the mean spirited, malicious and untrue attacks on our family. We, like many, are appalled at the inflammatory statements being made or implied. Trig is our 'blessed little angel' who knows it and is lovingly called that every day of his life. Even the thought that anyone would refer to Trig by any disparaging name is sickening and sad. CBS should be ashamed for continually providing a forum to propagate lies.

"Consider the source of the most recent attention-getting lies – those who would sell their body for money reflect a desperate need for attention and are likely to say and do anything for even more attention."

How long before they add a an alcoholic dwarf character into the mix, you think?

For a guy who's getting ready to drop his pants in front of the whole world, Levi Johnston's a pretty big tease…

What's that thing that Anton Chekhov said about good storytelling that one time?

"If you say in the first chapter that you have huge revelations of illegal behavior to reveal about the insane megalomaniac, then in the second or third chapter they absolutely must be revealed, but only after you get out your schlong."

It's all playing out according to the rules.