Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, Sen. John McCain's (R-AZ) vice presidential running mate, signals in her new book Going Rogue that she doesn't believe in evolution, panning it as theory that human beings "originated from fish that sprouted legs and crawled out of the sea."

Yes, and…?

Hang on. Did anybody — anybody! — actually think that Sarah Palin — the lady who attended the church with the witch hunter guy — might believe in evolution?

I'd be amazed if she believed in chemistry. Or math. (I mean, does it ever once mention algebra in the Bible? Shouldn't we be teaching the controversy about this?)

John McCain is fighting for your freedom to impose your will upon the masses! Go, America!

McCain's bill, the Internet Freedom Act, would block the Federal Communications Commission from making Net neutrality the law of the land. The rule preventing ISPs from slowing down certain types of content would create "onerous federal regulation," McCain argued in a written statement.

According to a report at NetworkWorld, McCain "called the proposed Net neutrality rules a 'government takeover' of the Internet that will stifle innovation and depress an 'already anemic' job market in the US."

But supporters of Net neutrality argue that the rule is needed to ensure that Internet providers don't censor content, or slow down traffic to Web sites that are in competition with their business allies.

Come on now? Who are you going to believe on this? Some person who knows how to use a computer? Or John McCain?

Don't you hate, though, how these funny vial clips often make unkind assertions about politicians and leave you wondering if they have any proof to back up their claims. Well, turns out, there's a post for that.

The film was chosen to open the Toronto Film Festival and has its British premiere on Sunday. It has been sold in almost every territory around the world, from Australia to Scandinavia.

However, US distributors have resolutely passed on a film which will prove hugely divisive in a country where, according to a Gallup poll conducted in February, only 39 per cent of Americans believe in the theory of evolution.

Instead, why not choke down some fucking shirtless emo vampires? Enjoy.

(If you watched the credits, you might notice that I contributed a joke or two. If you're wondering which ones, they're the ones that made you laugh. If none of them made you laugh, then I helped design the font.)

* Sean Hannity is awaiting a very important message from the invisible daddy person who lives in a magic castle in the sky. How important is it? Let's just say that we may all have to get used to using the phrase "President Horrible."

* Unfortunately, the invisible daddy person who lives in a magic castle in the sky is busy jotting down death wishes for the president from this guy.

* The Wall Street Journal and Digg double team Timothy Geithner.

* U.S. Chamber of Commerce preparing to sue Global Warming for being too based-on-real-science-y. (Spoiler Alert: This will work out well.)

* Can you believe it's been a whole 400 years since Galileo gave us the telescope? It feels like it was just 372 years ago.

Look! Here he is stubbornly pretending to be alive while disputing Investor's Business Daily's indisputable argument that if he were British — which he is — he'd have been allowed to die under the pitiless socialized medicine regime…

"I wouldn't be here today if it were not for the [National Health Service]," he told us. "I have received a large amount of high-quality treatment without which I would not have survived."

Except, when he said it, it sounded more terrifying and existentially unsettling than is immediately apparent by just reading it.

And, now that I think about it, Stephen Hawking kind of proves IBD's point. Under ObamaCare, we'll all be rolling around in wheel chairs and talking like Isaac Asimov characters.

Is that what you want?

.

^{* Also, how come he's not smart enough to build himself a full robot body to go with his robot voice? Sounds kind of dumb to me.}

* I think Anarachy Bear's dilemma might be moot. I mean, have you been paying attention what's been going on with Dittohead Bear?

* The New York Times fires columnist Ben Stein for questioning evolution, believing in God and being critical of Barack Obama… Oh, and also maybe a little bit for engaging in consumer fraud. But just a little.

* Who will Barack Obama's Death Panel vote off of this island we call life? He's not here to make friends.

* It looks like Kim Jong Il will live to pretend to be healthy another day.

* New poll: 7% of New Jerseyans involved in human organ harvesting operation with their local mayor.

Like, did you know that if British citizen Stephen Hawking were a British citizen — which he is — he'd have been euthanized by the government of Britain where he lives?!

It's totally, totally true! Look, it's written down with words…

People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn't have a chance in the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is essentially worthless.

Disgusting! And you know it's gotta be absolutely true, because Investor's Business Daily took the time to hastily punch it out on their keyboards and jam it up on the web. So, it's gotta be a superfact!

For example, I just wrote this word: "2sqhmyztpa."

A truer word has never been written.

* David Shuster freaks out over bald spot being shown on-air. Because his perfect hair was the only thing seperating him from all those cable news hacks.

* Bill O'Reilly is 10 times smarter at math than 1/10th of a rock.

* Rand Paul — son of Ron Paul — expected to announce plans to run for U.S. Senate. But can he match his father's hot winning streak?

* Sarah Palin could be getting her own syndicated talk radio show! Well, her own syndicated random-word-utterance radio show?

* The Onion: Ordinary Americans respond to Sarah Palin leaving office.

* Smartest guy in the world to Congress: "Keep your government hands off my Medicare."

* This is how you pull off a real birther grift.