* Perhaps taking a cue from her most rogueish guest, Oprah Winfrey has decided she will no longer be shackled behind her talk show.

* The Senate takes up its version of the health care bill tomorrow morning. Harry Reid needs 60 votes just to proceed with debate, because the Republicans do not want to deal with this thing at all. If they filibuster, let us hope they forgo the phonebooks and pledge allegiance to the flag for twelve hours straight. (Eat your heart out, Todd Akin!)

* Said health care bill is 2,074 pages long. Tony Perkins and his fightin' evangelicals have released something called "The Manhattan Declaration," which manages to cover "the sanctity of life, traditional marriage and religious liberty" in just 4,700 words.

* President Obama will make a decision about Afghanistan troop levels after Thanksgiving, assuming he's not in a food coma.

Eleven…

Former Mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani has decided not to run for governor of New York next year after months of mulling a candidacy, according to people who have been told of the decision.

Nine eleven nine eleven?

It was not clear what prompted the decision, but the prospect of potentially facing Attorney General Andrew M. Cuomo, who is quietly planning his own run for governor on the Democratic ticket, may not have appealed to Mr. Giuliani, who suffered a bruising defeat in the 2008 Republican presidential primary. While many political analysts believe Mr. Giuliani would have comfortably beaten Gov. David A. Paterson, he would likely have faced an uphill battle against Mr. Cuomo, one of the most popular politicians in the state.

Nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven. Nine eleven nine eleven nine: eleven nine eleven; nine eleven nine eleven; nine eleven nine; eleven nine.

Eleven nine eleven.

Update: Nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven. Nine eleven?!?!

Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani has decided not to run for governor next year – but will run for U.S. Senate instead, sources told the Daily News.

If elected, the source said, he could use that as a stepping stone to run for President in 2012 — rather than run for re-election to the Senate.

Nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven nine eleven.

Were you really? You probably shouldn't have been wondering…

Republicans, who have criticized the Democrats' initiative as a step toward government control of the healthcare system, are already planning a series of delaying tactics, including forcing the entire bill to be read aloud on the Senate floor.

"It's going to be a holy war," Sen. Orrin G. Hatch (R-Utah) said Wednesday evening.

All right! A good ol' fashioned holy war, just like they used to do it in the olden days. I'ma go grab my filabustin' stick!

Anyway, the Senate has a health care bill, it runs 2,074 pages, and that is a source of great consternation. Why is this bill so long? Look at it! Why does it have all those words and numbers? Can't they just overhaul the American health care system with a Facebook note, like normal people? What outrageous things are the Democrats trying to hide with their writing and publishing?

How about this?

To raise money for the health overhaul, Democrats are proposing a new 5% tax on elective cosmetic procedures. The tax was a surprise addition to the sweeping 2,074-page bill that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid unveiled late Wednesday. It generates $5 billion over a decade for the plan, which is expected to cost $849 billion over a decade.

The tax would fall on the individuals who undergo the procedures. If they don't pay it when they’re billed for their surgery, then it falls to the provider who performed the procedure.

Outrage-o-meter says… 3. Maybe 4, max. Fun fact: since 2004, New Jersey has been the only state with its own cosmetic surgery tax law on the books.

Yet if you've ever gone down the shore in July, you'll notice that it's had zero impact in terms of putting bureaucracy, or even common sense, between patients and their plastic surgeons.

^{Aww, NJ, you know I love you. Next time I'm in Belmar, the pork roll-egg-and-cheese is on me.}

It's that time of year again…

Republican senators Jim DeMint, Tom Coburn, Kay Bailey Hutchison and Sam Brownback offered such a measure on Tuesday, saying it would be good to get fresh blood on Capitol Hill.

"Americans know real change in Washington will never happen until we end the era of permanent politicians," DeMint said.

Absolutely, and that's why Jim DeMint has been so supportive of the fresh-faced, inexperienced newbie from Chicago who ran for president last year after serving less than a full term in the Senate… oh, that's right, no he hasn't. Well, what does it matter? Sen. DeMint's first term expires in 2011, and I'm sure he'll do the honorable thing by refusing to run again.

Just to set a good example for others.

The interview continues below.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

All she has to do now is secure the Republican nomination, and here's where the story gets symbolic…

Fiorina, considered to be a moderate Republican with little history on social issues, will face off against conservative California Assemblyman Chuck DeVore for the GOP nomination.

The Fiorina-DeVore matchup has all the makings of another Republican battle between the conservative wing of the party and national leaders seeking for the most electable candidate. [...] A string of conservative bloggers have already lined up behind DeVore, and South Carolina Sen. Jim DeMint said Tuesday he was backing the assemblyman.

So which will it be, California Republicans? The ineffective lady whose printers never work or the DeMint-ed DeVore? Only time will tell, but either way, it'll have nothing to do with the shallowness of the GOP's leadership pool and everything to do with Barack Obama's first year in office.

With 97 percent of precincts reporting, Mr. Bloomberg was narrowly leading Comptroller William C. Thompson Jr., his Democratic rival, 50.5 percent to 46.1 percent. The mayor was projected to win by a much thinner margin than in 2005 — when he thoroughly trounced Fernando Ferrer — and than many had anticipated.

Whoa! So, not only did Harry Reid lose New York City to the already sitting mayor, but he did it by a much smaller margin than people expected he'd lose it by, which clearly shows Americans' frustration with Democratic legislators insistence on trying to insidiously provide them with moderately more affordable health care.

Look at me! I'm punditing!

Anyway, yesterday he posted 10 Jokes About Joe Lieberman and His Threat to Filibuster Any Health Care Bill Which Includes a Public Option, and — I'm gonna level with you here — you need to read them…

1. Joe Lieberman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender turns to him and says, "Sorry, we don’t serve bitter old egomaniacs here. And fuck your stupid parrot."

2. Joe Lieberman walks into a second bar. The second bartender says, "Get out." Joe Lieberman says, "Why? Can't I buy a drink?" The second bartender says, "Don’t you get it? Everybody hates you."

3. Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Joe.
Joe who?
Joe Lieberman.
Get off my doorstep, you asshole.

I heard that second one back in grade school. But the others were new!

Seven more over here.

Senator Joseph Lieberman's (I-Conn) threat to filibuster health care legislation that includes a public option for insurance coverage has sent minor shock-waves throughout Washington…

Fifteen years ago, as a freshman Democrat, Lieberman actually worked to have the filibuster killed. He deemed the parliamentary maneuver "a dinosaur" that had become "a symbol of a lot that ails Washington today."

Fifteen years ago, I thought U2 was one of the best bands in music history. Fifteen years ago, I thought modeling my hair off of Robert Smith from The Cure was a really good idea. Fifteen years ago, I thought the cheeseburgers at McDonald's were not all that bad.

People change their minds about things sometimes over the course of a decade and a half. It happens. Calm down.

That said, Joe Lieberman should fall off a cliff and land in the mouth of an exploding shark and then they should both get sucked into a black hole. I'm just sayin'.