That gives Obama 275 electoral votes (he needed 270), and that's in FoxNewsLand.

Look at these guys. Are you looking at these Fox News guys? It's like all the Macys Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons have been simultaneously deflated.

In the 1972 presidential elections, Democratic nominee George McGovern — running on the ridiculous platform of ending the Vietnam War and establishing minimum incomes for the poor — performed the amazing feat of losing 49 out of 50 states to incumbent Richard Nixon, with only the flaming liberal state of Massachusetts and the tiny berg of Washington D.C. choo-choo-choosing him as the country's next president.

Even his homestate of South Dakota gave him the electoral finger.

McGovern thusly goes down in history as one of the greatest exemplars of the Democratic Party.

Go back to Day 50.

Jimmy Carter, John Kerry, and Tom Daschle have all been awarded prime-time speaking slots during the convention, despite the stench of defeat that surrounds them.

Here's a little bit about each one, and how each has contributed to the familiar heartbreak of millions of Democratics over the years…

Salon was kind enough to supply some actual footage from the event…

Hold on. I'm not certain that was in fact "actual footage." Cindy McCain was looking awfully lifelike.

I think this might have been digitally enhanced.

As the presumptive nominee takes the stage, the "Ringin' Wet & Wild" women's wrestling event will be taking place on the main amphitheater. Two hours before then, the "Miss Buffalo Chip Beauty Pageant — Bikinis on the Beach" will be staged at a different venue. That affair is described by ESPN's Jim Caple as "essentially a topless beauty pageant. And occasionally bottomless, too."… Following McCain's speech, country stars Kellie Pickler and Kid Rock will be taking the very same stage for their own live performances.

Well, he certainly is distinguishing himself from Obama. There's no arguing that.

The cultural crossroads that is the Sturgis Rally could actually be fertile political ground for the Republican presidential nominee. Hosted in a town of 5,500, the event sees upward of half a million bikers over the course of a week. Many of them, the founder of the campground is quoted as saying, have expressed interest in seeing the Senator, whose POW background makes him a fan favorite. How the religious right will react is a whole other bag.

I don't see why the religious right would have a problem with this.

Unless maybe they hear about it.

Montana
Obama 57%
Clinton 41%

South Dakota
Clinton 55%
Obama 45%

11:03: We're going to end this before CNN gets to their "magic wall." Goodnight, everyone. Have sweet, sweet, historically black dreams.

10:52: CNN reports that history is being made in the United States right now. And who better to mark to mark this historic moment than a completely inaudible Jesse Jackson on the satellite phone from Tanzania.

10:38: Barack Obama: "This is the moment. This is the time."

And with that, he took off his flag pin, gelled back his hair, looked over his headshot and quit the presidential race to audition for the touring company of Jekyll and Hyde.

10:24: Barack Obama: "I respect McCain's many accomplishments, even if he refuses to acknowledge mine."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon….

10:12: Obama thanks his typical white grandmother. Typical.

10:08: Obama enters, the first black candidate to accept the nomination from a major American political party. If I didn't hate U2, I'd probably be really inspired by this.

10:03: CNN calls Montana for Obama based on reports from the loneliest exit pollster in history.

9:54: Hillary Clinton did not concede. In fact, MSNBC's Keith Olbermann now reports that she delivered the speech in an arena with no cell phone or BlackBerry service, so that none of her supporters would know that all of the networks had already called the nomination for Obama and that she might even be even a teensy bit expected to concede.

It was the best she could do, of course, as "Alternate Reality" was already booked by the Ron Paul army.

9:50: Hillary Clinton: "I will be making no decision tonight." Is that really what we want? A leader who can't make decisions?

Score one for Indecision, I guess.

9:45: Maybe it's just because McCain was the opening act, but other than the Obama needling Hillary Clinton really came off well. Nice speech all in all — for a lady.

9:33: Hillary Clinton is speaking. And Terry McAuliffe is waving. Wave, Terry, wave!

9:26: CNN calls South Dakota for Hillary Clinton. Which means nothing, of course, unless she gets more black or more historic real fast.

9:21: From our comments board:

Chris Matthews brings up a good point. This is the first time in the WORLD that an African American is his party's presumptive nominee. Eat that Mozambique for never elevating an African American to this level.

Thanks to Punditphoelia.

9:11: And with 9% of South Dakota reporting, and Obama losing handily, MSNBC is also calling Obama the presumptive nominee

9:06: According to the CNN pundit panel, Barack Obama's victory comes 45/52/200 to the year/day/month/minute/parsec after Martin Luther King/Frederick Douglass/Paul Robeson/Abraham Lincoln/Michael Jordan said "I have a dream"/got himself on a stamp/sang "Ol' Man River"/freed the slaves/three-peated.

9:02: Oh, and would you know it, he's a black!

9:01: According to CNN, Barack Obama has clinched the nomination. Not the first time he's clinched the nomination, mind you. But the best time.

8:52: This is what I learned from John McCain's speech:

New Or-lee-ans is old douchebag for New Orleans.

Hillary Clinton is the best most best person in the world, and her supporters are even bester.

McCain takes America's economic security as seriously as he takes her physical security, proving that, as president, he will not rape America.

He's just not very good at this.

8:41: McCain on. Turn your damn music down!

8:34: Howard Fineman just burst onto MSNBC and said that an Obama insider has confirmed that Hillary Clinton has promised Obama she will concede only if offered the VP slot, which Obama has agreed to do, on the condition that she promises not to accept.

Clinton, in turn, has promised not to accept, provided Obama promise to lose, paving the way for her comeback run in 2012.

8:25: Wolf Blitzer asks John McCain advisor Steve Schmidt why his candidate is spoiling Barack Obama's party with a speech of his own tonight. Schmidt says that it's time for McCain to start the "great debate" with Obama.

He's right. All of history's great debates have started this way. In fact, it was Abraham Lincoln's giant "fuck you" to Stephen A. Douglas that, ultimately, got the slaves freed.

8:15: 4, now. Not very impressive, for a giant 4.

8:00: To demonstrate how many delegates Barack Obama needs to clinch the nomination, CNN is displaying the world's largest number 6, beating out the previous record holder, "The Whoppin' 6," just off Exit 112 on I-29 in Onawa, IA

Welcome to Indecision 2008's final Democratic primary liveblog. Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are both slated to deliver big speeches tonight, and the votes of some white people who live far away from each other will be tallied. We'll be updating you when the important things happen, and when nothing does, we'll still pretend every few minutes or so.

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

The Pages will be watching with 'bated breath tonight as the returns come in from Montana and South Dakota! These are the last states to vote in the Democratic primary season, and the nomination will most likely be sealed tonight.

In Montana, Senator Barack Obama is heavily favored to win the crucial Crow Indian vote, riding high as the newest member of the Whistling Water Clan. This, in addition to his strength in the inner-city urban core of Billings, should put him in a strong position to defeat Senator Hillary Clinton.

Meanwhile, Clinton has her sights set on an upset in South Dakota, where Obama has been stung by his own admission that his ears may not fit on Mount Rushmore.

For those of you wondering what all this will mean for the final outcome, the Pages have compiled a cheat-sheet of possible scenarios based on the results of tonight’s voting:

Scenario One: Obama beats Clinton handily in both states. Clinton delivers a concession speech, and gracefully bows out of the race. On Wednesday, she and Obama appear together at a Democratic Unity rally and she offers him her endorsement.

Scenario Two: Obama beats Clinton narrowly in both states. Clinton refuses to deliver any speech at all, but sends word of her exit from the race through surrogates. On Wednesday, she and Obama meet for coffee at a Washington, DC Starbucks and exchange strained pleasantries for 12 minutes until Obama announces that he had fun, but he really has to get going now.

Scenario Three: Obama wins Montana and Clinton wins South Dakota. Obama calls for Clinton to exit the race, citing the need for the Democrats to focus on beating John McCain. Clinton schedules rallies in Ohio and Florida and begins interviewing running mates.

Scenario Four: Clinton wins Montana and Obama wins South Dakota. Same scenario as above, except Sean Hannity loses a bet and has to eat his first-born child.

Scenario Five: Clinton beats Obama in both states. All the remaining uncommitted superdelegates immediately announce their support for Clinton, throwing the outcome of the primary contest into doubt. The result is a brokered Democratic convention in Denver, where confused delegates end up nominating the late Hubert Humphrey for the presidency and Michael Moore as his running mate.

Yes! You read me right. Today is the very last day of the primary contests. And Senator Barack Obama — whom you may have heard of — stands 39.5 delegates away from the new 2,117 magic number to clinch the nomination.

Between the 31 pledged delegates up for grabs tonight and the 195.5 superdelegates — who, after six months, still haven't received enough information to make up their minds — he should be able to reach his goal this week. Possibly tonight!

Sensing an opportunity to shut down the nominating contest, Obama's campaign advisers said that they were orchestrating an endorsement of Obama by at least eight Senate and House members who had pledged to remain uncommitted until the primaries ended, and that the endorsements would come the moment the South Dakota polls closed on Tuesday night.

Hmmm… I'm no math using guy or something, but doesn't 31 plus 8 equal 39? So, even if he won all the pledged delegates tonight — which he won't — wouldn't still leave him half a delegate beneath the goal?

Maybe he's hoping the country rounds up. Or down. Or sideways. Ugh, math.

Washington is no different from Hollywood — it's full of famous names, ruthless backstabbers, and gossip bloggers willing to grossly exaggerate any anecdote to boost their readership. As former United States Senate Pages, Dylan and Ethan Ris were privy to backroom dealings, power grabs, and scandals that would make even Eliot Spitzer blush. Join the Pages as they get the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

Well folks, we Pages would like to thank the good people of West Virginia for keeping the Democratic presidential race alive! From here on out, the campaign boils down to TV advertising as the candidates' final chance to sell themselves to voters. Knowing as much, Congressional Confidential has consulted our sources, weighed the intangibles, and is now ready to reveal our anticipated ad campaigns for each of the remaining states!

(May 20)

Hillary Clinton
Title: "Run for the Roses"
Synopsis: Clinton enters the shot on horseback, wearing a jockey helmet and vest over her horsehair pantsuit. She recaps the Presidential campaign using Kentucky Derby metaphors and pounds a mint julep shot before trotting away.
Music: Dan Fogelberg — "Run for the Roses"

Barack Obama
Title: "Summer Reading"
Synopsis: Obama is seen sipping cognac in the Harvard faculty lounge. Setting down his copy of Rene Descartes' Meditations on First Philosophy, he offers a brief contrast of the physical and metaphysical symbolism of American Flag pins.
Music: Feist — "We Shall Overcome"

(May 20)

Hillary Clinton
Title: "Timber!"
Synopsis: Clinton is shown operating a chainsaw as she fells a redwood in southern Oregon. Brushing woodchips from her camouflage pantsuit, she recounts the hardships of her third cousin toiling in an Oregon sawmill as a summer job in 1966.
Music: Celine Dion — "Truck Drivin' Man"

Barack Obama
Title: "A Long, Strange Trip"
Synopsis: Grainy late-70s footage of Obama hitchhiking in Indonesia. Surrounded by friends from his madrassa, he sports bellbottoms and an Afro. He holds a sign reading “America or bust!” with a Marcel Proust quote scrawled beneath it.
Music: Ozomatli feat. Professor Cornel West — "(If You’re Going To) San Francisco"

(June 1)

Hillary Clinton
Title: "A Little Bit of the Captain in Her"
Synopsis: Clinton swabs the deck of a campaign donor’s yacht. Wearing a banana leaf pantsuit, she describes the executive branch using boat crew metaphors. She takes a giant swig from a liter bottle of Captain Morgan's and approves the message as the shot fades to black.
Music: Van Halen — "I'm The One"

Barack Obama
Title: "Footprints in the Sand"
Synopsis: Obama, barefoot and shirtless in ripped jean shorts, walks along the beach as multi-ethnic children frolic in the surf ahead of him. In the distant background, we see a stone-induced splash from a Mike Gravel commercial filming on the same beach.
Music: Yanni – "Age of Aquarius"

(June 3)

Hillary Clinton
Title: "Home on the Range"
Synopsis: Clinton, wearing a rawhide leather pantsuit, stands beside cowboys before a roaring bonfire. She raises a toast to the common man, shotguns a beer, and then dramatically throws her Wellesley College diploma into the flames as the cowboys cheer.
Music: Kid Rock — "Cowboy"

Barack Obama
Title: "Nature's Miracle"
Synopsis: Obama stands in attendance at the waterbirth of his daughter. As his nude, submerged wife Michelle shuts her eyes and bears down, Obama bestows Hawaiian leis upon attending guests Cindy Sheehan and Tony Rezko.
Music: Sarah McLaughlin — "Kumbaya"

(June 3)

Hillary Clinton
Title: "My Fellow Americans"
Synopsis: Clinton appears on a movie set depicting the Oval Office. She accepts the Democratic nomination and pledges to appoint Barack Obama to the position of Junior Senator from Illinois. Bill, Chelsea, and Terry McAuliffe assemble at her side and their faces magically morph into a refashioned Mount Rushmore.
Music: Lesley Gore — "It’s My Party"

Barack Obama
Title: "A Whole New Me"
Synopsis: Obama is shown in the mirror trying on lipstick, rouge, and women's clothing. He briefly considers a burqa before deciding against it. He is careful to affix an American flag lapel to his outfit by the commercial's end.
Music: James Blunt — "You’re Beautiful"