I know that everybody was afraid that maybe Sarah Palin was not going to be the keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors Association of America's Bowl Expo next June. And I think there were some rumors floating around on the important political/bowling blogs that Sarah Palin was not going to be the keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors Association of America's Bowl Expo next June.

But those rumors have proven to be false. See?

Imagine my surprise when I read that Sarah Palin, the Republican Party's vice-presidential nominee last year, was going to be the keynote speaker at the Bowling Proprietors Association of America's Bowl Expo next June in Las Vegas.

I know she is a good speaker and she may have more bowling ability than President Obama displayed on the campaign trail last year. And Palin should have first-hand knowledge about bowling, because it's one of the few sports you can compete in year-round in Alaska, and the PBA's senior Player of the Year hails from Alaska, of all places.

Bowling needs all the help it can get from any source.

I'm sure, with Sarah Palin's help, the BPAA will be able to take back the sport from the bowlers who willfully pal around with gutter balls.*

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^{* Yikes! That's the best bowling joke I can come up with? Sadly, I think it is. My brain really isn't very sharp today. I should probably eat more of this arugula salad. Mmmmm… Magnifique! Where is that sparkling water?}

.

Update: Mary just provided me with a much better closing joke:

She can see White Russians from her yard.

Where were you when I needed you, Mary? Thanks for nothing!

I was wrong…

If there's one thing that could bring Keith Olbermann and Sean Hannity together (apart from the occasional CNN-bashing), it's baseball…

Olbermann wrote about the game on his MLBlog, where he said of Hannity, "And lastly, a reminder that baseball does erase boundaries. The guy I'm taking a photo of, who's taking a photo of me – we get along perfectly at the ballpark – less so during our day jobs."

Sean Hannity and Keith Olbermann: big, big Yankees fans. That pretty much says it all.

Now, if you'll excuse me, this bowl of sour grapes isn't going to eat itself.

I have now run out of sports words, so let's go to the quote…

Rep. Michele Bachmann's message for conservatives traveling to Washington to attend her Capitol Hill House Call event Thursday is simple: "Go into the Capitol and find members of Congress," she told activists Wednesday night. "Don't bring your pitchforks, bring your video cameras. And get them on record saying how they're going to vote and why. And tell them, 'Take your hands off my health care!'"

Of course, if you do have a spare pitchfork lying around, couldn't hurt to bring it along. Just in case you happen to catch Nancy Pelosi trying to slam dunk a public option over the last wicket when the umpire isn't looking.

^{p.s.: Everybody, please be nice to Dennis today. Some group called the Yankees did something bad last night — caved to anti-choice Blue Dogs on abortion provisions, maybe? — and I know he's upset.}

CBS' Mark Knoller — an unofficial documentarian and statistician of all things White House-related — wrote on his Twitter feed [Sunday] that, "Today – Obama ties Pres. Bush in the number of rounds of golf played in office: 24.

Took Bush 2 yrs & 10 months."

And the naysayers said "nay." Nay to those naysayers. (Know what I'm nayin'?)

Anyway, if he caught up to Bush's golf record that fast, just think how fast he'll be able to catch up to his body count.

The president, after all, is an unabashed First Guy’s Guy. Since being elected, he has demonstrated an encyclopedic knowledge of college hoops on ESPN, indulged a craving for weekend golf, expressed a preference for adopting a "big rambunctious dog" over a "girlie dog" and hoisted beer in a peacemaking effort.

"First Guy's Guy," what does this even mean? Is the NYT trying to subtext something about Todd Palin? Dunno, bro. What we do know is that there are no girls allowed in the clubhouse when certain things, like the economy and national security, are being discussed. (Well, duh. Girls just shop and release secret cryptographic algorithms all the time.)

More importantly, there are no girls allowed at the golf games Barack Obama plays when he should be working, or playing basketball. Except finally this weekend he let domestic policy adviser Melody Barnes tag along on the links, maybe because as domestic policy adviser she would bring cookies. Wait, no, that's a job for the communications team…

In the same week as [another fucking] basketball game, Anita Dunn, the White House communications director, hosted a group of women reporters for an off-the-record meeting with [senior adviser Valerie] Jarrett over chocolate chip and oatmeal cookies.

And I bet they had a blast, those lady typists, chit-chatting over cookies. It's what they want, right? The White House gals also get to work on health care, and whatever it is Hillary Clinton does, and they throw baby showers for each other. Doesn't mean Barack Obama is, like, afraid of girl cooties…

One Democratic media strategist says that while Mr. Obama does place women in important roles, his comfort level with staff members is not always perceived as equal.

So what? We know separate isn't equal, except for the gays, but the situation here is "non-separate but inequal," which is just what you get for choosing the lifestyle of two X chromosomes, anyway. Besides, Barack Obama is president! We live in post-racial America, and according to everything I've read, sexim is nonexistent even more often than racism is nonexistent, so obviously this is much ado about nothing that exists at all in the first place.

Rush Limbaugh has been dropped from the investors group hoping to buy the St. Louis Rams…

"Rush was to be a limited partner — as such, he would have had no say in the direction of the club or in any decisions regarding personnel or operations," Dave Checketts, the former Madison Square Garden executive who is leading the group that included Limbaugh.

"This was a role he enthusiastically embraced. However, it has become clear that his involvement in our group has become a complication and a distraction to our intentions; endangering our bid to keep the team in St. Louis. As such, we have decided to move forward without him and hope it will eventually lead us to a successful conclusion."

Despite how bad this could have turned out, the good people of America have, I think, been drawn a little closer to one another now.

Now go home and hug your children!

First, it turned out that people have brains capable of recalling the borderline racist things people said a few years ago (or, for that matter, the overtly racist things they said lots and lots of times). And then it became apparent that some football players might maybe not want to work for a racist person that is always going around saying racist things.

Now, the commissioner of the NFL is wondering if maybe he and the other team owners shouldn't maybe just exercise their free market rights to not approve the sale of an NFL team to a racist person who will make the whole league look bad…

"I've said many times before we're all held to a high standard here, and I think divisive comments are not what the NFL is all about," [Roger] Goodell said at an NFL owners' meeting. "I would not want to see those comments coming from people who are in a responsible position in the NFL, absolutely not."…

[A]ny proposed franchise sale would have to be approved by three-quarters of the owners, and Goodell's comments signaled that it perhaps would be unlikely that Limbaugh's bid would be ratified by the other teams.

What about the other team owners? Do they support racism? Turns out a lot of them do not support racism…

Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay said he would not vote in favor of approving Limbaugh as an owner.

"I would not be in favor of voting for him," Irsay said. "I could ask Tony Dungy, Jim Caldwell, Dwight Freeney and consult with them, but there have been comments that have been made that have been inappropriate, incendiary and insensitive. It's bigger than football. We have to watch the words that we say…. Sometimes privileges in life do get lost. I would not feel comfortable.

I feel so sad for Rush Limbaugh. Can you imagine the pain of having to deal with circumstances of your own making. In this day and age?!

I just hope this doesn't get him down and that he somehow finds the strength to somehow continue being an unctuous racist hypocrite.

My favorite part is the reverend's brilliant rationalization for how he and the football coach aren't guilty of date-baptizing a bunch of teenage boys…

"The twist is that a coach brought a bunch of guys here to get them baptized. And there's no truth in that at all. The coach brought a bunch of guys here to be encouraged that night, and out of the process of that, God called a bunch of people to have a relationship with them."

You see? It wasn't the coach at all? He just happened to bring the kids to a church where God happened to be hiding behind a door with a cooking oil and a Bible. It all happened so fast, no one even got a good look at Him. He maybe had a white beard and flowing robe, but, then again, He might have been all blue and had six arms.

That's why I don't go anywhere — anywhere! — without a baptism whistle around my neck. God got me once when I was too young to defend myself, and I spent the next two decades dealing with the psychological trauma. I'll never let that happen to me again.

Here's Patrick Rapa from the Philadelphia City Paper…

Last night, in the middle (around the 2 minute mark) of a segment on Kim Jong Il's latest missile threat, the Daily Show host took the opportunity to take a swing at Philadelphians, saying, basically, that we're all assholes. Why does this fill me with douchey irrational rage?

I understand how he feels. In fact, after seeing that clip earlier this afternoon, I was — for, like, twelve seconds — kind of similarly annoyed.

But then I remembered that we're the reigning World Series Champions and currently leading the division, and the Mets are pretty much made of ass.

And then I felt a lot better.

After a pivotal speech this morning, the President took a moment this afternoon to welcome the Superbowl Champions to the White House, along with approximately 50 Wounded Warriors from Walter Reed Army Medical Center and National Naval Medical Center and their families.

Afterwards they all joined up to work with USO to assemble 3,000 care packages for our troops in Iraq and Afghanistan.

That's pretty super classy of the Steelers. It's nice that we have athletes like that for kids to look up to.

Here's some footage directly from the White House's blog…

Yeah, sorry about that.

I was trying to be cool, but then at the last second my jealousy about any Pennsylvania football team that's not the Philadelphia Eagles winning the Super Bowl got the better of me.

The Steelers my be pretty super classy, but I am an embittered, shallow and vindictive small man.

So, instead of that video, here's something disturbing and unclean and much more in line with my current mode of thinking…