Seriously! What's he doing at a Medieval ceremony celebrating ritualistic sacrifice like that? He doesn't need to pretend to believe in that kind of childish superstition.

It's not like he lives in America.

Meanwhile, Obama has to — in the course of an afternoon — reassure Prime Minister Stephen Harper that he was totes j/k about those "Buy American" provisions in the bailout, and the whole "screw NAFTA" thing, and anything else that's troubling Prime Minister Stephen Harper's bobbley little head.

For those of us who missed the last bus to Ottawa, Kady O'Malley (Canada's sassiest political blogger) is liveblogging the whole frigid circus right here, eh…

Alright, I’m outside The Perimeter – on the Lawn, in fact – awaiting the motorcade. I’m behind the first row or so of assembled masses, but some kindly staffers are strategically kicking snow into a makeshift platform.

Okay, so the crowd is — actually, about as random as you can imagine — old, young, black, white, male, female, you know the drill — lots of O-poster and banners and a sense of O-verall O-nticipation. Also: snipers!

O boy!

This year a minor scandal ensued when Barack Obama asked to move in a few weeks early to accommodate his daughters' school schedule. "Uh, no," said the Bush administration, citing "guests" who were "booked" at the mansion in January. Awkward! So Obama and his family have been relegated to some cheap motel called the Hay-Adams, where they are living on Toblerone and seltzer from the mini-fridge.

Today the mystery Blair House guest was revealed: it's Australian Prime Minister John Howard. Call me Bob Woodwardette, but I smell a conspiracy.

Let's review what we know…

* This fall reports surfaced that Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper stole a speech about Iraq… from Australian Prime Minister John Howard.

* Then Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper went rogue and shut down his government.

* Now all of a sudden Australian Prime Minister John Howard is occupying the president-elect's residence.

* And on Monday a mysterious maple syrup odor blanketed New York City.

There you have it! This thing goes deep. Real deep. And remember, if the mainstream media outlets overlook this bombshell, it's because they've been infiltrated by the Canadians.

It's been known to happen. They're stealthy and they look just like us.

Here's what we know. In October's wacky House of Commons election, Prime Minister Stephen "Bobblehead" Harper's Conservatives won more seats than any other party — but not enough to secure a majority. Opposition disgruntlement ensued, and last week, Harper announced a bobbleheaded budget that set off a full-scale political crisis…

Harper introduced an economic plan that included no stimulus measures but called for a three-year ban on strikes by civil servants and the abolition of public financing for political parties. The Liberal party leader, Stéphane Dion, accusing Harper of seeking to politicise the economic crisis, formed a coalition with the leftwing New Democratic party. The two also secured support from the separatist Bloc Québécois to bring down the government.

Facing the risk of being, I don't know, extradited to Nunavut, Harper pulled out the big guns: yesterday he talked the Governor General, the Queen's representative in Canada, into letting him shut down Parliament until the end of January (!).

Plus! Just for good measure, the opposition coalition is now fighting with itself.

Good grief. And I thought the hockey games were vicious.

As for the Liberals, they wanted to win — well, I'm assuming they just wanted to win more than this…

The Conservatives have won about 37 per cent of the popular vote, up one percentage point from 2006.

But [Stephane] Dion's Liberals garnered the lowest share of popular vote the party had ever tallied — lower than the 28 per cent the John Turner-led Liberals garnered in 1984.

On the tree-hugging side of the ballot, the Greens picked up 6.8 percent of the popular vote, but they still haven't managed to win a single seat in Parliament. Oh yeah, and with 59% of eligible voters going to the polls, this election had the lowest turnout on record.

In the interest of cheering up our Canadian friends, here's my favorite clip from Rick Mercer's "Talking to Americans." Nothing takes the edge off a losery election like seeing Mike Huckabee, a real American loser, complimenting you on your national igloo.

Speaking of important dates, today is Thanksgiving in Canada.

Happy Thanksgiving to all our Canadian friends, except Mr. Harper, who will be eating his turkey on St. Patrick's Day.

Meet Bobblehead Steve. As in Stephen Harper. As in the prime minister who's presiding over a recession and a bitterly-contested federal election that's taking place next week. If your car hasn't been repossessed yet, you can stick ol' Stevie on its dashboard…

While Stephen Harper is campaigning as the champion of prudence in tough times, his government is merrily blowing a bundle on Bobblehead Steve.

The doll with a spring-loaded head and PM's first name is the star of an expensive new federal marketing campaign to attract U.S. convention business to the true north.

The Canadian Tourism Commission's magnetic-sticking Steve is perfect for your dashboard and comes complete with a glossy 25-page booklet, and a custom-designed website that couldn't have cost more than a federal election.

Please, I beg you, click this link to see Bobblehead Steve's website.

Steve is your "Canadian go-to guy"! He's going to wheel that room service cart right down the hall for you! Oh, and be sure to check out Steve's insider info. Steve wants you to join him as he wanders around his country, getting wasted on Caesars and caribou.

Congratulations, Canada. Turning your top official into a bobblehead in the midst of an election was a real stroke of genius.

Here in America, of course, we did it the other way around. We nominated a bobblehead for vice president on the Republican ticket.

Yeah, sorry about those pension plans. Just think of it this way: What little money you do have will still be prettier than ours. Quality, not quantity, that's the thing to remember.

Your prime minister would also like you to remember that every economic catastrophe has a silver lining…

"I'll be the first to admit, I'm not the most emotionally expressive guy," said Mr. Harper, when asked whether he might want to show more empathy with Canadians becoming increasingly fearful for their economic future.

"But look, the main thing I think a government has to do at a time like this is not panic. There's a lot of people out there not panicking. I think there's probably a lot of great buying opportunities emerging in the stock market as a consequence of all this panic."

And those dirt-cheap shares will go a long way toward keeping your family warm this winter, if you burn the stock certificates in your furnace.

Surprises weren't expected from Prime Minister Stephen Harper's followup speech to the Canadian Club, but with the Toronto Stock Exchange and Tory popularity in freefall, you might think Harper would take the opportunity to acknowledge the challenges his party faces and outline some new solutions.

Right?

"Prudent leadership does not set economic strategy for the nightly news or rewrite plans for the morning papers," Harper said in a speech to the Canadian Club after releasing his platform.

So if the morning papers happen to say something like, I don't know, "Recession is Here, Put Your Cash Under the Mattress and Pray," that's no reason to change anything. You just keep on keepin' on. With your cash under the mattress.

Meanwhile, if you need Prime Minister Harper, he'll be busy tinkering with his boat…

"As the saying goes, it wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. Which is why when the rain came, Noah didn't need to panic and he didn't switch boats."

Hmmm. How long was Noah stuck on that boat, again?

Oh yes. Seven days.

Remember when you were in grade school and that kid got caught copying someone else's homework? That's exactly what happened in Canada this week — just substitute international politics for "grade school," a Conservative speechwriter for "that kid" and a speech about Iraq for "homework"…

Stephen Harper's 2003 speech urging Canada to join the U.S. assault on Iraq was plagiarized from one given by the Australian prime minister two days previously, and the man who wrote it resigned Tuesday as a researcher for the Conservative election campaign…

"Pressed for time, I was overzealous in copying segments of another world leader's speech," [speechwriting scoundrel Owen] Lippert said in a statement issued by the Conservative Party, five hours after the Tories accused the Liberals of "desperation" and "gotcha journalism" in revealing the plagiarism.

Good lord, the Tories can't even react to accusations of plagiarism without plagiarizing John McCain!