Look, my home state of Maine is in the news (in Maine, no one else ever notices). Guess why! Here, I'll give you a hint. Rhymes with 'frown ball.' Ayuh, you got it…

An estimated 450 people from throughout Maine’s 2nd Congressional District and beyond gathered in Brewer Tuesday night to give their elected representatives a piece of their minds.

BUT:

U.S. Sens. Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe and U.S. Rep. Michael Michaud were no shows.

Instead the dozens of people who traveled from such places as Washington County, Casco, Saco, East Millinocket, Orrington, the St. John Valley, Bangor, and York County, had to make due [sic -- copyedit moose must be on vacation] by addressing blown up photographs of the three propped up against three empty chairs that had been reserved for them at the front of the room.

Yes. Yes. So for over two hours the citizens of Maine hollered at these photographs, berating them for everything from "plans to nationalize health care, the federal stimulus package, recent corporate bailouts, and the cash for clunkers program," not to mention the proposal where Obama comes to take our guns. And then, I dunno, I guess everyone got bored and went home, leaving the thoroughly chastised headshots to ponder the error of their ways, forever, on folding chairs at Jeff’s Catering in Brewer.

Sure, you flatlanders may call it crazy, but where I come from we call it Yankee ingenuity ("patriotism").

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have an audience with this picture of the Pope.

A bipartisan group of Senators now claims to have sliced $100 billion from the stimulus package, which means maybe — just maybe — a few Republicans will change their minds, agree to pass this thing, and let everyone go home before midnight tonight.

But the GOP's still angrier'n a wet cat…

Sen. Claire McCaskill, a Missouri Democrat who is also part of the bipartisan group, said Republican resistance continued to center on the cost and the precedent of Obama's stimulus plan.

Some Republicans are against the notion of having the federal government take on responsibilities that historically have been handled by the states, she said.

Yeah! States' rights! Unless too many states start letting the gayfolk get married.

Sen. Susan Collins, a Maine Republican and the other bipartisan team leader, circulated a roster proposing $88 billion worth of net cuts from the measure. She proposed eliminating money in the bill for K-12 education while boosting funding for Pentagon operations, facilities and procurement by $13 billion.

Of course she did, because as we explained earlier, "spending" and "pork" are synonyms, unless you introduce the magic qualifier "Pentagon."

Kudos to Senator Collins for her quick thinking! If all goes well, this stimulus package will help set the stage for a bold and robust new American economy, one in which illiterate defense employees who can't do basic math have access to a gazillion rocket launchers.

Maine is an ornery kind of state.  Tucked up in our northeast, they're never too keen on taking their cues from the rest of the country.  (Which they uniformly refer to as "away,"  whether New Hampshire or Hawaii.)

So when the rest of the country announced that they were driving out Republicans and pushing the Senate toward a 60-vote Democratic supermajority, Mainers shook their heads, set down their Allen's Coffee Brandy, and re-elected Senator Susan Collins.

Collins benefits from the fact that the Senate does not administer and IQ test for admission, but she's known as an independent legislator who works across the aisle on issues that matter most to Mainers.  (The economy, coffee brandy, sleet removal.)

The state did, however, let down the Republicans on the presidential front.  McCain had his eye on the one electoral vote from Maine's second district and bought airtime to compete for it.  He even sent noted hunter Sarah Palin to campaign there, which unwittingly proved to be the campaign's undoing.

The second district consists almost entirely of moose.

Call it mob mentality. Kansas Sen. Pat Roberts has joined the list of Republicans skipping their party's convention in Minneapolis-St. Paul on account of a tight re-election campaign.

Roberts is the sixth big name Republican to dis John McCain on his special night, thus making this a full-blown trend -– one that threatens to become as popular as taking money from Jack Abramoff was in 2004!

Here's a rundown of who's ducked out so far…

Kansas Sen. Pat Roberts
Wound up campaigning in the wrong Minneapolis this past week.

Maine Sen. Susan Collins
Will be hosting a talk radio gossip show on the topic of John Edwards's alleged illegitimate daughter.

Oregon Sen. Gordon Smith
Given that he's now running desperate TV ads featuring Barack Obama and John Kerry, he may try to sneak into the Democratic convention instead.

Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens
Hedging his bets that he'll already be in jail by then.

North Carolina Sen. Elizabeth Dole
Still bitter when it comes to the topic of presidential nominations.

Vice President Dick Cheney
Numerous daytime events and possible exposure to garlic in the catering spreads make the convention a mortal danger for him.

That's six prominent Republicans down and there's still two weeks 'til the convention. I just hope Joe Lieberman has a lot of material prepared.