The [press] scrum was met with all smiles from Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., who sat next to a glowing Brown after a 30-minute meeting.

"I'll always refer to him as 41," McConnell said with a grin, referring to the number of seats Republicans now hold in the Senate, enough to mount a successful filibuster if they all stick together.

Aww, lookit that, aren't they sweet? "My buddy, my buddy, wherever I filibuster he filibusters / My buddy and me."

Republican Sen. Susan Collins of Maine was thrilled to see "a fellow New Englander," saying, "Oh, look, I'm going to be the first to greet him" as Brown was escorted by McConnell into a private lunch with Republicans.

After he strolled out, Brown called the lunch "fun."

"I enjoyed meeting everyone, even you," he said to the press members. "The spaghetti was good. I could have had more helpings. I was famished."

Can't blame the man for being hungry. Absorbing wild-eyed adoration burns a ton of calories — how do you think Barack Obama stayed so trim on the campaign trail?

Luckily Mitch McConnell and Susan Collins were standing by to feed Brown the grapes they'd peeled.

* The public option is "sidelined," but not "killed." Maybe it will just bleed to death on its own, there on the sidelines.

* Older-Americans over the age of 55 could buy in to Medicare, the magic government-run health care plan that is not a government-run health care plan in the minds of angry Older-Americans who hate government-run health care plans.

* "A federal agency, the Office of Personnel Management, would negotiate with insurance companies to offer national health benefit plans, similar to those offered to federal employees." Countdown to Michele Bachmann calling this a plan to make us all work for the federal government: 5, 4, 3…

* In the highly unlikely event that private health insurance companies don't look at all this and immediately lower rates and expand coverage, the government will step in with an insurance plan of its own.

* People will be angry about this: "The Senate rejected a proposal to ban coverage of abortion by health plans that would insure millions of Americans under the Democrats’ bill. The vote was 54 to 45." Only two Republicans, Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe of Maine, joined the Democrats in rejecting the abortion coverage ban. Don't worry, liberals, these ladies will not be pelted with moose dung when they go home for Christmas — moose droppings are too small to be effective for pelting purposes.

* President Obama is very happy with the Senate's work.

* It remains to be seen what the Congressional Budget Office thinks of the Senate's work.

There, now, don't you feel better for having learned all this? I know I do! That's because I've developed a "health care plan" of my own: Simply drink one (1) shot of whiskey for every health care bullet-point you encounter. If that doesn't work, a tequila shot is 'triggered.' Try it yourself and see! This plan is budget neutral, provided you don't eat too much food.

An estimated 450 people from throughout Maine’s 2nd Congressional District and beyond gathered in Brewer Tuesday night to give their elected representatives a piece of their minds.

BUT:

U.S. Sens. Susan Collins and Olympia Snowe and U.S. Rep. Michael Michaud were no shows.

Instead the dozens of people who traveled from such places as Washington County, Casco, Saco, East Millinocket, Orrington, the St. John Valley, Bangor, and York County, had to make due [sic -- copyedit moose must be on vacation] by addressing blown up photographs of the three propped up against three empty chairs that had been reserved for them at the front of the room.

Yes. Yes. So for over two hours the citizens of Maine hollered at these photographs, berating them for everything from "plans to nationalize health care, the federal stimulus package, recent corporate bailouts, and the cash for clunkers program," not to mention the proposal where Obama comes to take our guns. And then, I dunno, I guess everyone got bored and went home, leaving the thoroughly chastised headshots to ponder the error of their ways, forever, on folding chairs at Jeff’s Catering in Brewer.

Sure, you flatlanders may call it crazy, but where I come from we call it Yankee ingenuity ("patriotism").

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have an audience with this picture of the Pope.

But the GOP's still angrier'n a wet cat…

Sen. Claire McCaskill, a Missouri Democrat who is also part of the bipartisan group, said Republican resistance continued to center on the cost and the precedent of Obama's stimulus plan.

Some Republicans are against the notion of having the federal government take on responsibilities that historically have been handled by the states, she said.

Yeah! States' rights! Unless too many states start letting the gayfolk get married.

Sen. Susan Collins, a Maine Republican and the other bipartisan team leader, circulated a roster proposing $88 billion worth of net cuts from the measure. She proposed eliminating money in the bill for K-12 education while boosting funding for Pentagon operations, facilities and procurement by $13 billion.

Of course she did, because as we explained earlier, "spending" and "pork" are synonyms, unless you introduce the magic qualifier "Pentagon."

Kudos to Senator Collins for her quick thinking! If all goes well, this stimulus package will help set the stage for a bold and robust new American economy, one in which illiterate defense employees who can't do basic math have access to a gazillion rocket launchers.

So when the rest of the country announced that they were driving out Republicans and pushing the Senate toward a 60-vote Democratic supermajority, Mainers shook their heads, set down their Allen's Coffee Brandy, and re-elected Senator Susan Collins.

Collins benefits from the fact that the Senate does not administer and IQ test for admission, but she's known as an independent legislator who works across the aisle on issues that matter most to Mainers.  (The economy, coffee brandy, sleet removal.)

The state did, however, let down the Republicans on the presidential front.  McCain had his eye on the one electoral vote from Maine's second district and bought airtime to compete for it.  He even sent noted hunter Sarah Palin to campaign there, which unwittingly proved to be the campaign's undoing.

The second district consists almost entirely of moose.

Roberts is the sixth big name Republican to dis John McCain on his special night, thus making this a full-blown trend -– one that threatens to become as popular as taking money from Jack Abramoff was in 2004!

Here's a rundown of who's ducked out so far…

Kansas Sen. Pat Roberts
Wound up campaigning in the wrong Minneapolis this past week.

Maine Sen. Susan Collins
Will be hosting a talk radio gossip show on the topic of John Edwards's alleged illegitimate daughter.

Oregon Sen. Gordon Smith
Given that he's now running desperate TV ads featuring Barack Obama and John Kerry, he may try to sneak into the Democratic convention instead.

Alaska Sen. Ted Stevens
Hedging his bets that he'll already be in jail by then.

North Carolina Sen. Elizabeth Dole
Still bitter when it comes to the topic of presidential nominations.

Vice President Dick Cheney
Numerous daytime events and possible exposure to garlic in the catering spreads make the convention a mortal danger for him.

That's six prominent Republicans down and there's still two weeks 'til the convention. I just hope Joe Lieberman has a lot of material prepared.