According to the newly released Senate healthcare bill, Democrats want to pay for reform by taxing so-called "Cadillac insurance plans." Which sounds good, until you remember GM filed for bankruptcy this year. "Cadillac" doesn't exactly mean what it used to. In fact, I'm pretty sure this means they're paying for healthcare reform by taxing Medicaid. Either way, Stephen Colbert has a fool-proof plan to protect his money from the socialist taxocrats.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Here's a free piece of advice for state legislators who feel like voting to raise taxes and then buying tons of booze in a neighboring tax-free state: Make sure to use a car with your official state legislator license plate on it, so that everybody knows how important you are and will leave you alone…

A Westport [Massachusetts] lawmaker who voted to hike the state sales and alcohol taxes was spotted brazenly piling booze in his car — adorned with his State House license plate — in the parking lot of a tax-free New Hampshire liquor store, the Herald has learned.

[Democrat] Michael J. Rodrigues' blue Ford Crown Victoria, emblazoned with his "House 29" Massachusetts license plate, was parked outside a Granite State liquor store on Interstate-95 South over the weekend, according to a witness who provided pictures to the Herald.

Another piece of advice: When beseeching nosy taxpayers to leave you be so that you can carry on with the privileges of your station, make sure to be as rude and dismissive as possible, so that nobody will want to embarrass you publicly…

The witness, who requested anonymity, claimed he approached Rodrigues, noted his State House plate, and asked if he was on personal or official business. Rodrigues, who was loading booze into his car, snapped "mind your own business," the witness said.

Excellent work, Congressperson. Now I'm sure no one will hear about this incident.

What do soda pop, Botox and millions of dead old people have in common? If you said my honeymoon, you're close. No, they're all part of President Obama's maniacal plan to pay for health care reform.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

* Bank of America did nothing wrong in conjunction with its purchase of Merrill Lynch. Nothing! Nothing! Okay, maybe a little something.

* Barack Obama says he won't raise taxes on the middle class — a clear sign that he's about to raise taxes on the middle class.

* Sarah Palin still hasn't Twittered since leaving office, but she has stirred some gun-loving hearts.

* Meanwhile, conservatives continue to Photoshop their feelings about the president.

* Why is this week different from all other weeks? Because it's Shark Week! Hoo boy, sharks! Last year our resident shark nerd Dennis insisted on celebrating with a Shark Week Sharktacular, but he changed his tune after that bull shark (or was it Maureen Dowd?) ate his arm.

Has it really been more than a year since we published any conservative hip-hop* music?

Sorry for the oversight. I hope this will make it up to you…

Hey, wait a minute. Where do I not know that song from?

At Tuesday morning's weekly GOP conference meeting, Republicans were shown a clip of a video parody of the Lady Gaga hit, "Just Dance" that replaces the popular song's refrain with "Just Tax."

Oh, yeah. Right. Lady GooGoo. Or whatever. That's a person, right? This sounds ridiculous to me, so I'm sure kids must love it.

But, really, what's this all about? I mean, okay, I get the basic premise that taxes are bad and that things would be better if we lived in a magical country where bridges build themselves and governors used their own money to fly to foreign countries to carry on the extra-marital affairs. I get that.

But why does it have to sound so stupid and horrible?

The parody video was developed by Peter Cowman, a 23-year-old who just graduated from the University of Washington in Seattle, outside Rep Dave Reichert's district…

"He wanted [his colleagues] to encourage the youth in their district, and share the message on a level that young people can relate to," Reichert's spokeswoman told CNN.

Oh, it's designed to speak to kids on a level they can relate to. A terrible, un-listenable level. Because kids have atrocious taste in music, and now the GOP wants them to have atrocious taste in political parties.

Well, I'll tell ya, based upon what I know about kids in the world today, I think this strategy just might work.

(via Matthew Yglesias)

^{* Does this even count as hip-hop? I genuinely, honestly don't know the answer to that question.}

What's that? Some Republican delegate nominee in Virginia is threatening to start shooting people with a gun if she continues to have to pay more taxes than she would prefer?

Yeah, well, you know… I wonder if there's still some hazelnut coffee in the kitchen…

"We have the chance to fight this battle at the ballot box before we have to resort to the bullet box… But that's the beauty of our Second Amendment right.

I am glad for all of us who enjoy the use of firearms for hunting, but make no mistake, that was not the intent of the Founding Fathers. Our Second Amendment right was to guard against tyranny.

Yes, that's an idiotic and irresponsible thing for a politician like this Catherine Crabill lady to be shouting to a bunch of crazy rednecks shortly after a string of right-wing-extremist-related murders, especially for matters of "tyranny" as trivial as the ones she's upset about. And, yes, I know I should be more upset and shocked and outraged and stuff.

But, come on, there's only so much energy a person can exert on shock and outrage and stuff, and while conservative America spirals deeper into Crazyville, they've been pretty taxing on my/our/everyone's energy stores for shock and outrage and stuff.