Virginia, what you need is a healthy dose of Terry McAuliffe…

Former Democratic National Committee chairman Terry McAuliffe filed papers Monday necessary to run for governor in Virginia next year. McAuliffe established his campaign committee, Friends of Terry McAuliffe, with the State Board of Elections and will tour Virginia for the next 60 days before making his candidacy certain…

A native of upstate New York, McAuliffe, 51, has lived in Virginia for about 17 years. He lives in the Washington, D.C., suburb of McLean.

Interesting fact about McAuliffe:  He's not very good at winning elections.  The Democrats lost seats in Congress throughout his term as DNC Chair.  He couldn't get John Kerry into the Oval Office.  And his candidate for president lost her primary, although it's possible they haven't told that to Terry yet.

But you'd better believe he'll stir things up in Virginia.  Whether downing shots with Joe Scarborough or hosting visits from Pope Hillary Clinton, a Governor McAuliffe will make Tim Kaine seem as boring as his successor, Mark Warner.

Well, actually that's a bit harsh.  How about only as boring as a monotone recitation of The Iliad in the original Ancient Greek with pauses for the earth's crust to harden?

Nor does it at all remind me of the alternative secret mathematics that Karl Rove's used to predict the huge Republican congressional wins in 2006.

I guess some people are just smarter than the rest of us.

And, by somebody, I mean somebody who's not named Clinton…

[Clinton Aide Doug] Band keeps close track of the past allies and beneficiaries of the Clintons who supported Obama's campaign, three Clinton associates and campaign officials said.

Indeed, he is widely known as a member of the Clinton inner circle whose memory is particularly acute on the matter of who has been there for the couple — and who has not.

Oh, I don't like the sound of that at all. This sounds fishy. Why exactly is it that Band is keeping track of these people?

"The Clintons get hundreds of requests for favors every week," said Terry McAuliffe, the chairman of Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign. "Clearly, the people you're going to do stuff for in the future are the people who have been there for you."

McAuliffe, who knows of Band's diligent scorekeeping, emphasized that "revenge is not what the Clintons are about." The accounting is more about being practical, he said, adding, "You have to keep track of this."

Oh, well, that makes perfect sense. For favors. Band is keeping track for favors.

And, uh, ya never know when you're gonna need to, eh… not turn up at the bottom of a river.

Ya know what I mean?

Secretary of State McAuliffe? Don't stop believin', Terry.

On that note, where would you rather see Jon on a fantasy Hillary Clinton cabinet?

Something tells me he might drunkenly announce something. What do you hope he announces?

UPDATE: Here's McAuliffe's appearance from last night below the fold:

RELATED: What "Comments" Do You Have for Hillary Clinton

Well, now that looks like that's not true. Kind of not true…

Terry McAuliffe, Clinton's campaign chairman, told CNN that AP is "100% reporting incorrectly."

"I don't know who the officials are, but anyone can be an official in this world. I can unequivocally say as chairman of this campaign that until someone has the numbers this nomination fight continues on," he said. "The race goes on," he added.

So, I guess the nomination fight will go on until tomorrow afternoon or something?

Washington is no different from Hollywood — it's full of famous names, ruthless backstabbers, and gossip bloggers willing to grossly exaggerate any anecdote to boost their readership. As former United States Senate Pages, Dylan and Ethan Ris were privy to backroom dealings, power grabs, and scandals that would make even Eliot Spitzer blush. Join the Pages as they get the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

Well folks, we Pages would like to thank the good people of West Virginia for keeping the Democratic presidential race alive! From here on out, the campaign boils down to TV advertising as the candidates' final chance to sell themselves to voters. Knowing as much, Congressional Confidential has consulted our sources, weighed the intangibles, and is now ready to reveal our anticipated ad campaigns for each of the remaining states!

(May 20)

Hillary Clinton
Title: "Run for the Roses"
Synopsis: Clinton enters the shot on horseback, wearing a jockey helmet and vest over her horsehair pantsuit. She recaps the Presidential campaign using Kentucky Derby metaphors and pounds a mint julep shot before trotting away.
Music: Dan Fogelberg — "Run for the Roses"

Barack Obama
Title: "Summer Reading"
Synopsis: Obama is seen sipping cognac in the Harvard faculty lounge. Setting down his copy of Rene Descartes' Meditations on First Philosophy, he offers a brief contrast of the physical and metaphysical symbolism of American Flag pins.
Music: Feist — "We Shall Overcome"

(May 20)

Hillary Clinton
Title: "Timber!"
Synopsis: Clinton is shown operating a chainsaw as she fells a redwood in southern Oregon. Brushing woodchips from her camouflage pantsuit, she recounts the hardships of her third cousin toiling in an Oregon sawmill as a summer job in 1966.
Music: Celine Dion — "Truck Drivin' Man"

Barack Obama
Title: "A Long, Strange Trip"
Synopsis: Grainy late-70s footage of Obama hitchhiking in Indonesia. Surrounded by friends from his madrassa, he sports bellbottoms and an Afro. He holds a sign reading “America or bust!” with a Marcel Proust quote scrawled beneath it.
Music: Ozomatli feat. Professor Cornel West — "(If You’re Going To) San Francisco"

(June 1)

Hillary Clinton
Title: "A Little Bit of the Captain in Her"
Synopsis: Clinton swabs the deck of a campaign donor’s yacht. Wearing a banana leaf pantsuit, she describes the executive branch using boat crew metaphors. She takes a giant swig from a liter bottle of Captain Morgan's and approves the message as the shot fades to black.
Music: Van Halen — "I'm The One"

Barack Obama
Title: "Footprints in the Sand"
Synopsis: Obama, barefoot and shirtless in ripped jean shorts, walks along the beach as multi-ethnic children frolic in the surf ahead of him. In the distant background, we see a stone-induced splash from a Mike Gravel commercial filming on the same beach.
Music: Yanni – "Age of Aquarius"

(June 3)

Hillary Clinton
Title: "Home on the Range"
Synopsis: Clinton, wearing a rawhide leather pantsuit, stands beside cowboys before a roaring bonfire. She raises a toast to the common man, shotguns a beer, and then dramatically throws her Wellesley College diploma into the flames as the cowboys cheer.
Music: Kid Rock — "Cowboy"

Barack Obama
Title: "Nature's Miracle"
Synopsis: Obama stands in attendance at the waterbirth of his daughter. As his nude, submerged wife Michelle shuts her eyes and bears down, Obama bestows Hawaiian leis upon attending guests Cindy Sheehan and Tony Rezko.
Music: Sarah McLaughlin — "Kumbaya"

(June 3)

Hillary Clinton
Title: "My Fellow Americans"
Synopsis: Clinton appears on a movie set depicting the Oval Office. She accepts the Democratic nomination and pledges to appoint Barack Obama to the position of Junior Senator from Illinois. Bill, Chelsea, and Terry McAuliffe assemble at her side and their faces magically morph into a refashioned Mount Rushmore.
Music: Lesley Gore — "It’s My Party"

Barack Obama
Title: "A Whole New Me"
Synopsis: Obama is shown in the mirror trying on lipstick, rouge, and women's clothing. He briefly considers a burqa before deciding against it. He is careful to affix an American flag lapel to his outfit by the commercial's end.
Music: James Blunt — "You’re Beautiful"

"June 15," he said without a nanosecond of hesitation.

Why then? I asked. The primaries finish on June 3, he noted, and after that there will be pressure on the uncommitted superdelegates (who now number about 300) to commit to one candidate or another. It should not take too long for these undecided insiders to make up their minds and declare their intentions — even if there are some who would rather not choose between the two…

So, I asked, I have a promise? June 15? "June 15," he said. You keep it alive beyond that, I noted, and it could be a nuclear war within the party. (In fact, even if McAuliffe and Clinton succeed by winning enough superdelegates in the 12 days after the primaries to trump Barack Obama's lead in pledged delegates, there still could be an intra-party apocalypse.) He didn't take the bait. "June 15," he repeated.

For the record, June 15 is before the Democratic Nation Convention in August.