On last night's Colbert Report, the actual Karl Rove wasn't available, so Stephen put a pair of glasses on a loaf of ham. And while it was a more than serviceable stand-in, it's important to remember that there are some differences between the real Karl Rove and a loaf of ham. For example, one is a cold, meaty, lifeless slab of squishy flesh that smells like garbage if you leave it in the sun too long. And the other is a loaf of ham.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Let's face it. Words really are nothing more than sounds that east coast, big city, lesbian poets make in coffee houses to get people to snap their fingers in agreement. Or scribbles that big university academics make on pieces of mashed up wood so that they can pretend they're better than you. What I'm saying is, words are elitist, and if you're reading these words, you might want to consider punching yourself in the face, you liberal pansy.

But words don't need to be elitist. Let's take back words from the word-mongers! Let's re-brand them as something a little more manly, a little more American. Like, "info-grunts." Or "idehowls."

Stephen Colbert knows what I'm info-grunting about…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

On last night's Colbert Report, liberal wunderkind Ezra Klein returned to talk about health care and the Senate's reconciliation process. Did you know that Klein is regarded as one of the foxiest political pundits in America right now? It's true. And I know that's a little like being the best blind parallel parker, but you have to admit, he makes Paul Krugman look like Frank Rich.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Most people forget about li'l ol' New York State, with its shrinking violet politicians and its Aw Shucksy down-home folkiness. But Rep. Charlie Rangel's recent improprieties have sort of dragged New York kicking and screaming back into the limelight. And, since it's already here, we might as well use this opportunity to examine it through a Colbert-approved politiscope. 'Cause who knows when we'll be hearing from it again…

Eliot Spitzer: Spitzer Sandwich

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

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As you may have heard, it was recently revealed that James O'Keefe had doctored those infamous ACORN videos. When he was the toast of the conservative media, O'Keefe had been aggressively championed by Sean Hannity, but the Fox host has been mum since the activist's exposure as a fraud. So on last night's Colbert Report, Stephen decided to sit down with some doctored video of Hannity and get to the bottom of things.

Personally, I'm just really glad to see a whore on Hannity's show again. I miss Alan Colmes.

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

How do you bounce back when somebody toys with your emotions, like Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning did with Stephen's (and, by extension, all of real America's)?

Let's just say that Ben & Jerry's doesn't make a container of Chunky Monkey big enough to heal this much heartbreak…

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.