In case you're not familiar with Intelligent Design, it's the scientific theory that so long as evolutionary biologists have not yet put together every single piece of the overwhelming physical and molecular evidence for Charles Darwin's theory of evolution as originally postulated in his 1859 book On the Origin of Species, then that's proof that a magic person in the sky made everything using magic. You know, science!

Oh, and, in case you're not familiar with Thomas Jefferson, he's a guy who died 33 years before Darwin's theory — which Intelligent Design was created in reaction to — was published and 172 years before the Stephen C. Meyer's Discovery Institute started pushing the concept of Intelligent Design as a means of slowly turning the U.S. into a theocracy.

Surely, Republican Governor Charlie Crist will stand up for the ideals of the First Amendment. Right?

Asked about whether he'd veto the legislation, Crist said no way.

"I would not veto those …. No, I would not," Crist said.

So you don't have a problem with Jesus on a license plate?

Crist: "I don't. No."

What about separation of church and state?

Crist: "If they don’t want one they don’t have to buy one."

Hmmm… I believe that's an exact quote Thomas Jefferson's.

Actually, I'm kind of in favor of all this. I think all the states should provide similar options.

It would allow me to avoid certain cars on the highway in case of the Rapture.

Sure, President Obama has downplayed the importance of the event. Senior Advisor David Axelrod even called it a "Hallmark holiday," thereby belittling other Hallmark holidays like Grandparents Day and Administrative Professionals Day.

But ever since gaining those dead pirate points, Obama can only win support from the media coverage, and so Obama will "pay homage to his 100 days with a Wednesday trip to… Missouri," the state where every exciting thing ever happens.

In honor of the landmark, we decided to celebrate Obama's milestone by over-oversimplifying it further and boiling it down to a nice simple chart comparing President Obama's first 100 days to the accomplishments of history's most famous presidents in such a way that even an idiot could understand…

See also: More Pirates vs. Presidents & The President, the Pirates & the Price of Bread

Apparently nothing. And, apparently, there never was…

Today's handwringers, who are disgusted by the tone of modern political campaigns, might be reassured (or slightly depressed) to learn that we've always been this way. Almost from the birth of the nation, presidential campaigns have been filled with vitriol and deception.

"Everybody always assumes there was a golden age of presidential campaigning that occurred 20 years ago," says Gil Troy, an American history scholar at McGill University. "Almost from the start, American politics had its two sides — it had its Sunday morning high church sermon side, and it had its Saturday night rough-and-tumble ugly side."

Yeah, but what about our wise, tax-evading, slave-owning Founding Fathers? Surely they were men of principle, far above such despicable smear tactics…

Thomas Jefferson was attacked by ministers who accused him of being an "infidel" and an "unbeliever." A Federalist cartoon depicted him as a drunken anarchist, and the president of Yale warned that if Jefferson came to power, "we may see our wives and daughters the victims of legal prostitution."

Wow! Barack Obama's seeming more and more presidential every day.

A Connecticut newspaper warned that [Jefferson's] election would mean "murder, robbery, rape, adultery and incest will openly be taught and practiced" — though the paper, which is now the Hartford Courant, did apologize some years later.

In 1993. "You turned out to be a good influence on America," the editors wrote.

So, maybe even Barack Obama will be vindicated some time around the year 2201.

That is, assuming he doesn't blow up the country with a dirty bomb and sell our wives to the Taliban between now and then.

He's one of only two men to date so good at being sidekicks that they served under two presidents: Thomas Jefferson and James Madison. George Clinton was Robert Horry before the real Big Shot Rob was knocking down threes as the Sixth Man on seven NBA championship teams.

G.C. practically invented patriotism: When the Founding Fathers were ratifying the Constitution, Clinton said, "Yes, yes, this document of governance is fine and dandy for managing these united states, but how about a motherfucking bill guaranteeing my motherfucking rights as a citizen? Eh?"

Yup, he would not sign his Hancock until the Bill of Rights was added to it. And then, this cool cat says, "What's with all the high taxes we're paying?" To keep taxes down, he seized and sold and sold the property of British loyalists. Fucking Tory motherfuckers.

That same Bill of Rights has helped pave the way for our pursuit of funk so deep we could cave the roof in.

Thanks, George!

Brought to you by Yankee Pot Roast and Underrated: The Yankee Pot Roast Book of Awesomely Underappreciated Stuff.

See also: Dan Quayle

The debate over Rudy Giuliani and His Amazingly Ringing Cell Phone continues to rage. Believe it nor not. Many think that it was a stunt. Others, a ploy. Still others think it was a mawkish attempt to seem more genuine and less mawkish.

Whether or not you think Giuliani jumped the couch on this one, you may be wondering if there is any room in politics for this kind of behavior? It turns out there is. Here are a few other historical instances of politicos engaging in communication-related weirdness during public appearances…

• In the middle of a televised debate in 1996, Bob Dole was interrupted mid-sentence a total of seven times when Bill Clinton's pager sounded. Surprisingly, Clinton's poll numbers rose 10 points the following day.

• Former Vice President Walter Mondale lost his 1984 presidential bid thanks largely in part to his penchant for ignoring voters at campaign stops to swap erotic Dynasty fan-fiction on ARPANET bulletin boards.
• During his 1956 reelection campaign, Dwight Eisenhower was caught signaling a nearby ship with a pocket mirror. When it was learned the messages were bawdy remarks about Treasury Secretary George Humphrey's wife, Ike almost lost the race. Lucky for him though, a week later Adlai Stevenson paused during a speech to send and receive telegrams from a known Communist.
• At random points during his legendary orations, Abraham Lincoln regularly partook of a practice known as "Instant Carrier Pigeoning" with his longtime confidant Joshua Speed.
• Thomas Jefferson was beloved for inventing America but annoyed many with his incessant habit of speaking with his pocket-Negro, a miniature slave with a gift for gab that the founder often held to his ear for private conversations.