They say you shouldn't judge a book by its cover, and it seems no one believes that more than former Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge. On last night's Daily Show, Ridge told Jon Stewart that he doesn't agree with the subtitle on the cover of his own book. Of course, that's the exact kind of thing I'd expect from a guy who looks like him.

The Daily Show airs Monday through Thursday at 11pm / 10c.

I have to hand it to the Department of Homeland Security. That threat advisory system they invented is a great way to bring families closer together: you can teach kids their colors, then explain why the bad men want to kill us. But according to a new book from former Homeland Security chief Tom Ridge, sometimes the system involved some, shall we say, artificial coloring…

[Ridge asserts] that he was pressured by top advisers to President George W. Bush to raise the national threat level just before the 2004 election in what he suspected was an effort to influence the vote.

After Osama bin Laden released a threatening videotape four days before the election, Attorney General John Ashcroft and Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld pushed Mr. Ridge to elevate the public threat posture but he refused, according to the book. Mr. Ridge calls it a "dramatic and inconceivable" event that "proved most troublesome" and reinforced his decision to resign.

Most troublesome indeed! Tut, tut, John and Don. That was a very naughty thing you did. What do you have to say for yourselves?

Mr. Ashcroft could not be reached for comment. But Mark Corallo, who was his spokesman at the Justice Department, dismissed Mr. Ridge’s account. "Didn’t happen," he said. "Now would be a good time for Mr. Ridge to use his emergency duct tape."

Coincidentally, Tom Ridge's own personal color-coded threat advisory system has now been raised to fuschia.

The Politico News team published a list of the best lines and the worst gaffes by John McCain and Barack Obama, each with a commentary of how they affected the election's outcome, since these little nuggets are far more important than economic turmoil and that pesky international unrest that attempts to worm its way into the national dialog.

The analysis didn't include Vice Gaffer Joe Biden, since his best gaffes would probably eat up all the available hard drive space on the Politico web server and cause the internets to collapse. There was no reason to cover half woman-half pitbull-half barracuda Sarah Palin, who ran a tight, gaffe-free campaign.

Just like anyone else, I prefer seeing roadkill on the highway to roadside flowers, so I'll skip the best lines and head straight for the gaffes.

There is no ranking for the top gaffes but they should be pretty obvious: When Obama said in Ohio that he wanted to "spread the wealth around", inadvertently launching the country music career of Joe the Plumber, and John McCain's one-two punch: when he couldn't remember how many houses he owned, just 3 weeks before claiming that the fundamentals of the economy were strong.

There is a huge obvious error with this list: The worst gaffe John McCain made during the election was when he introduced his running mate as "Sarah Palin", which was a huge slip of the tongue.

He meant to say "Tom Ridge."

Well, Sarah Palin could have been much worse in last night's debate with Joe Biden, but she still gave John McCain plenty of reasons to take her off the ticket and replace her with someone more competent. Here's a short list for such an honor:

Name	Pros	Cons
Tom Ridge, Former Pennsylvania Governor	Was the man McCain wanted to nominate before anti-choice activists told him otherwise.	"Tom Ridge" is regrettably not a real person, but rather compiled 1950's file footage that Dick Cheney found in an archive.
Joe Lieberman, Connecticut Senator	Was the man McCain wanted to nominate before anti-jowl activists told him otherwise.	His past use of a hearse as a campaign vehicle hits too close to home for McCain.
Mitt Romney, Former Massachusetts Governor	Displayed a mastery of economic principals in his past career as a "job killing machine."	Much like Barack Obama, he may be too black for the electorate.
Jim Cramer, TV Host	His vast knowledge of Wall Street will come in handy in wake of the federal bailout bill.	May embarrass McCain at state dinners with all that shrieking.

…so if you'll excuse me gentleman, I have some rhetorical self-immolating to do.

With the rate at which these guys are undermining their own talking points, it's looking better and better for Barack Ayers Osama every day.