But, since I've got a job, I usually just end up reading bullshit unfounded speculation on the Internet instead…

[If John Edwards had not run for president] Could Hillary Clinton have grabbed Edwards' loyalists and won early, stage-setting contests in Iowa, where Barack Obama emerged as a contender with a stunning win, or later, in the South Carolina primary?

Yes, says Mark Penn, Clinton's close campaign adviser and pollster. Penn has asserted that without Edwards on the ballot, voters would have taken a "fresh look" at Clinton.

Well, if Mark Penn says it, it must be true. Why, he's never proven himself to be wrong-headed, duplicitous or willfully ignorant before. That guy is a straight shooter if ever I did see one.

But, just for the sake of adding length to this post, let's see what somebody who knows what he's talking about has to say. What does Mark Blumenthal from Pollster.com have to say about it?

Mark Blumenthal from Pollster.com: "The most compelling evidence concerns where Edwards' support might have gone, had he withdrawn once the campaign had gotten under way in early 2007: polls showing that Edwards supporters preferred Obama to Clinton as their second choice in Iowa (as early as May 2007) and in New Hampshire (a few days before the primary)…

"Edwards started the race as the leading candidate in Iowa. Had Edwards withdrawn in late 2006, others who were considering the race at about that time — Tom Vilsack, Evan Bayh, Mark Warner — might have gotten in."

Yeah. Edwards' campaign was the only thing standing between Evan Bayh and the White House.

He must be very bitter.

Ah, forget it. Tim Geithner's tax problems are nothing compared to the news about Health and Human Services Secretary-designate Tom Daschle…

A Senate document obtained by The Associated Press shows former Sen. Tom Daschle recently filed amended tax returns to report over $128,000 in back taxes and nearly $12,000 in interest.

$128,000?! Good grief. Nothing's going to distract the American public — and the Senate Finance Committee, which meets today to discuss Daschle's appointment — from a tax scandal this big. Nothing!

The disclosure of Daschle's tax problems coincided with the release of the financial statement he submitted to the Office of Government Ethics, which details for the first time exactly how, without becoming a registered lobbyist, he made millions of dollars giving public speeches and private counsel to insurers, hospitals, realtors, farmers, energy firms and telecommunications companies with complex regulatory and legislative interests in Washington.

Daschle's expertise and insights, gleaned over 26 years in Congress, earned him more than $5 million over the past two years, including $220,000 from the health-care industry, and perks such as a chauffeured Cadillac, according to the documents.

You know what, forget Tom Daschle's tax problems. That's nothing compared to Tom Daschle's conflicts of… hey, wait a minute. I think I see what's going on here.

The Obama administration is just trying to distract us from their appointees' ethical and financial scandals by unrolling successively bigger ethical and financial scandals. Mark my words: this will end when Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack pulls off his mask and turns out to be Bernie Madoff.

So it is my pleasure to begin this celebration of Tom Vilsack, Barack Obama's choice for Agriculture Secretary.

* Tom Vilsack was the governor of Iowa, a corn-oriented state. He sure knows his corn. Corn and Tom Vilsack go way back, on the cob, off the cob, whatever.

* "Mr. Vilsack, a native of Pittsburgh, moved to Iowa to live in the hometown of his college-sweetheart-turned-wife, Christie Vilsack." (Aww.)

* "His career in politics was unexpectedly born in 1986 when a disgruntled resident of Mount Pleasant barged into a City Council meeting and killed the mayor. Mr. Vilsack stepped in to serve as mayor." (?!)

* According to some people, Tom Vilsack is a shill for Monsanto and an overall terrible person.

This concludes our traditional celebration of new Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack. See you over at the dunking pool!

No one knew this better than Barack Obama, whose campaign nearly collapsed under the weight of Wright's controversial sermons and God-awful JFK impersonation. The Illinois Senator felt forced to drop out of Wright's church and bounce between a number of other ones between late April and Election Day.

But now that he won, he can finally drop that whole act…

President-elect Barack Obama has yet to attend church services since winning the White House earlier this month, a departure from the example of his two immediate predecessors.

On the three Sundays since his election, Obama has instead used his free time to get in workouts at a Chicago gym.

Indeed, there are few place you're more likely to find Obama than not in church. Recall, if you will, the controversy surrounding Wright's "God damn America" sermon. Obama claims to have never heard Wright utter those words. Why?

Because he didn't attend church that day.

And where was Obama when Hagee declared that Hitler was sent by God to herd the Jews to Israel? Hypocritically playing basketball perhaps.

Come to think of it, Obama has also been neglecting his obligations to secretly attend a mosque and secretly pray toward Mecca five times per day ever since the day he was born!

What a disappointment.  Doesn't Obama realize that religious zealots make by far the most entertaining presidents?  The man hasn't even taken office, and already he's making Dick Cheney look like Jimmy Swaggart at a pentacostal tent revival.

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

What Are They Doing Now? Last week we profiled the first man to drop out of the 2008 presidential race, Tom Vilsack, and we're not gonna lie — we were a little bored, too. But with him out of the way, who remembers the second presidential contender to withdraw from the contest?

No, it wasn't Stephen Colbert; he lasted through November '07. It was — forehead smacker alert! — former Virginia Governor James S. Gilmore III! (If you can prove you knew this, you win the lieutenant governorship of your home state!)

To outsiders, Gilmore III had it all: The racial diplomacy of his predecessor George Allen, the fine art patronage of Rudy Giuliani… even the name recognition of U.S. Rep. Earl Blumenauer (D-OR)! And yet despite these advantages, Gilmore III was out of the race by July.

But if this loser harbored any visions of lazing around the mansion all summer, he obviously hadn't consulted his wife (also named James S. Gilmore III.) Lo and behold, she has him right back out on the campaign trail where he belongs, and this time it's for the U.S. Senate seat being vacated by the venerable statesman John "Mark" Warner!

Opposing Gilmore III is fellow ex-governor Mark "John" Warner, who is campaigning on a pledge to run for president within the next decade. To counter this, we expect Gilmore III to rile up the base by proposing the legalization of cloning for the exact window of time needed to do Ronald Reagan, after which it will become a felony. If only "Macaca" Allen had thought of that!

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

What Are They Doing Now? Who out there remembers the first presidential contender to withdraw from the 2008 race? If you guessed Kurt Warner, you get half-credit because the man we're thinking of is also from Iowa! That’s right, it's former Democratic governor Tom Vilsack!

On November 30, 2006, Vilsack, possibly under the influence of Canadian prescription drugs, announced he was running for president. He roared out of the gate, netting endorsements from most of his immediate family and wracking up several hundred friends on MySpace.

On the campaign trail, Vilsack emphasized his many accomplishments as governor, such as getting re-elected and converting Canada to the 24-hour clock, but his fortunes turned as he closed in on the critical "1.75 years until the election" milestone. His fundraising dried up, and Vilsack was forced to drop out on February 23, 2007 — taking pride that he was able to announce, attempt and lose his presidential bid all before John McCain, Ron Paul, Fred Thompson, and Tommy Thompson had even started theirs!

Turning his sights to the vice presidency, Vilsack endorsed Hillary Clinton immediately after — or possibly before — he dropped out, only to watch Clinton embarrassingly lose his home state's caucus.  Still, there's hope yet for Vilsack, as he may be due for an exciting ambassadorship in the Barack Obama administration! Stay tuned to Congressional Confidential as we steadily expose the whereabouts of all your 2008 presidential losers!

Join former United States Senate Pages Dylan and Ethan Ris as they bring you the dish on not just the presidential race but all the exciting triumphs and disgraces inside, outside, and below the Beltway!

Running With The Devil! It's time for the ex-Senate Page's much-anticipated Running Mate Rundown! Trust us, folks: Iran isn't going to bomb itself. It takes more than bleached teeth and a Christmas card full of white kids to rightfully inherit Dick Cheney's undisclosed location.

Fortunately for the candidates, we've done all the hard work by narrowing their choices to four VP finalists apiece. We trust the nominees can pare it down from here — hopefully in the form of a reality TV show!

For Hillary Clinton:

Ted Strickland, the first-term governor from Ohio	Pros: Popular governor of an important swing state. Cons: As an Ohioan, he will likely be outsourced to China well before the election.
Evan Bayh, senator and former governor of Indiana	Cons: His coiffed look and folksy demeanor has been used to paint him as a "lightweight." Pros: Rumored 14-inch penis is the talk of Washington.
Tom Vilsack, former governor of Iowa	Cons: His own presidential bid generated almost no national interest, and he failed to deliver Iowa for Hillary in January. Pros: Could crush any Republican challenger in the event of a vice-presidential corn-eating contest.
Barack Obama, senator from Illinois	Pros: Extremely high-profile presidential candidate, excellent public speaker, broad appeal among liberals and moderates alike. Cons: If elected, his "37" would be the lowest vice-presidential bowling score since Hannibal Hamlin.

For Barack Obama:

Michael Bloomberg, mayor of New York City.	Pros: Wonkish, diminutive, effeminate, ex-Republican, billionaire Jew from New York City. Cons: Some pundits unfairly claim certain voters might not be able to identify with him.
Jim Webb, senator from Virginia	Cons: Poor public speaker who avoids the spotlight at all costs. May continue writing oversexed military fiction while Vice President. Pros: Three-time Ultimate Fighting champion of Northern Virginia. May be called upon to personally hunt down Osama bin Laden and kickbox him to death.
Pat Tillman, war hero, former Arizona Cardinals star, died defending his country and was posthumously awarded the Medal of Honor.	Pros: Like Republican nominee McCain, Tillman forsook a comfortable lifestyle back home to defend his country in a time of war. Cons: Most feel it's pointless to put an Arizonan on the ticket, given McCain’s popularity in his home state.
Hillary Clinton, senator from New York	Pros: Extremely high-profile presidential candidate and former First Lady, strong polling power among blue-collar voters and women. Cons: Most of her fall calendar will be booked on account of running for president.

For John McCain:

Joe Lieberman, senator from Connecticut	Cons: Has participated in two failed campaigns for the White House, reviled by members of his own party, generally a national joke. Pros: In the event of an embarrassing death, could be easily played by Wallace Shawn.
Mark Sanford, governor of South Carolina.	Pros: Charming, well-liked Southern moderate. Cons: Cannot read or write.
Aaron Burr, former Vice President of the United States	Pros: Was McCain's running mate in his first bid for the presidency. Can deliver New Jersey on intimidation alone. Cons: Has already endorsed Dennis Kucinich.
Larry Craig, senator from Idaho	Pros: Very high-profile senator with solid conservative track record, hailing from the newly-pivotal Mountain West. Cons: His protectionist approach toward ethanol tariffs clashes with a key plank in McCain's platform.

Click to watch Jon Stewart's interview with former candidate and current neighbor to the above, Governor Tom Vilsack.

Former Iowa Governor, Tom Vilsack, who earlier this year dropped out of the race for Democratic Presidential candidate, appears to be on top of the short list of possible running mates for Hillary Clinton.

"…Vilsack has made the quick and seemingly effortless transition from a one-time Clinton rival for the 2008 nomination to a go-to player in her campaign. Aides acknowledge privately that Vilsack's work for the campaign has the look of a rehearsal for the role of running mate, should Clinton win the nomination."

Aides to Clinton acknowledge that Vilsack is being judged on poise, endurance and ability to raise disgustingly huge piles of money from donors.

There is some speculation that he might be a bit lacking in the "tits department."