Ben Greenman shines a harsh musical light on the scenes behind the sudden, miraculous nomination of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin…

(JOHN McCAIN is meeting with CHARLIE BLACK and RICK DAVIS to decide whom to pick for vice president.)

JOHN McCAIN
I think I want
Joe Lieberman.

CHARLIE BLACK
With him, there's no way
You can win.

JOHN McCAIN
Well, what about Tom Ridge instead?

CHARLIE BLACK
Do that and your campaign is dead.

RICK DAVIS
We need a conservative who can serve.

JOHN McCAIN
You jerks are getting on my last nerve.

(The phone rings in the Palin home… JOHN McCAIN offers her a spot on the Republican ticket.)

JOHN McCAIN
Is there anything
I need to know
About your family?

SARAH PALIN
No. Although,
Now that you mention it,
Once, back in the '80s,
Todd was driving tipsy
And dinged up a Mercedes.

JOHN McCAIN
You sure
That's all?

SARAH PALIN
That's all
I recall.

JOHN McCAIN
That's really
Quite small.
Excellent. You've got the job.
Rick and Charlie can polish my knob.

Read the whole thing on McSweeney's…

If you're like me, you love news about Republican politicians but hate reading long and boring news stories about them with your eyeballs.

Ugh! All those letters and symbols, and almost none of them resemble dirty body parts. I just get frustrated after about thirty seconds.

That's why, whenever I can, I like to read the news with my ears. Luckily Michael Hearst — of the geekishly amazing band One Ring Zero –  recently started a website called Songs for Newsworthy News. All the songs are made with sounds, so you don't have to tired out your eyes, and they're all short enough for me to not get bored (until usually around the last few seconds).

Unfortunately, I didn't find his songbriefing on Sarah Palin's VP nomination until it was too late. Don't make the same mistake as me.

1:03 - On second thought, that "eighteen million cracks" line wasn't just intended for angry women Democrats as I kind of sexistishly wrote. I think they're going for all women.

This could — if the McCain/Palin team plays this right — change everything. We'll see.

12:50 - She didn't talk at all about her policies. At all! That was completely about her being a "reformer" and a "woman" and "an all American mom." I wonder how long they're gonna try to hold back on her conservativism.

And how long before the Obama campaign begins carpet bombing the press with its spin.

12:46 – Is that closing music from "Halloween" or "The Exorcist"?

12:44 – She's invoked the name Hillary Clinton! And her "eighteen million cracks" line! They're totally going after all the angry women Democrats. But it seems really, really calculated. Is John McCain really getting that scared?

12:40 – A veteran and a veteran's mom. Burn that idea into your brain, because you're gonna hear it a lot.

12:39 – They're really playing this one as a choice for independents. That's gonna be McCain's message hardcore from now on. Despite their records, they're not gonna run as Republicans.

Read more »

Leave it to the Fair and Balanced gang over at Fox News to come up with a headline like this: "OBAMA CAMP BLASTS MCCAIN OVER AD ON HILLARY SNUB." Yes, that's all caps. Reads like a New York Post front page… I guess it's that old Rupert Murdoch touch!

Anyway, it turns out that Team McCain has released a commercial that deliberately tries to foment resentment amongst former supporters of Hillary Clinton…

The ad, released at 3 a.m. Sunday, suggested that Obama chose against choosing his former rival because she pointed out his character flaws during the Democratic primaries.

"She won millions of votes. But isn't on his ticket. Why? For speaking the truth," the narrator in the ad says. "The truth hurt. And Obama didn't like it."

The ad sought to exploit tension between Obama and Clinton's supporters — tension that continued to simmer after officials confirmed that Clinton was not even vetted for the vice presidential slot. Obama gave that job to Delaware Sen. Joe Biden Saturday.

So, now McCain is praising Hillary for her electoral prowess and her amazing foresight in criticizing Obama. And this isn't the first time the senator from Arizona has lavished such praise on the New Yorker.

This can only lead to one possible conclusion…

McCain/Clinton '08.

If you listen closely right now, you can hear James Carville biting the head off a dove.

His personal friend, Hillary Clinton, who fell just a few negative ads short of the Democratic nomination, now must face the reality that she wasn't even vetted to be Barack Obama's running mate. (Although seriously folks… she was First Lady. If you want to research the skeletons in her closet, just pull any issue of The Washington Times out of your nearest dumpster.)

Clinton can take the news in one of two ways. She can either give up now and be shipped off to the glue factory, or she can embrace the fact that she won't be stuck in the most purely ceremonial job this country has to offer.

Truth is, there's a whole slew of jobs more befitting of Clinton's talents than shouting through chained doors in retirement homes that Barack Obama is not a Muslim. For example…

Supreme Court Justice
The next president will likely get several vacancies to fill, and many in Washington feel this is right up Clinton's alley. Not to mention that her popularity among Senate colleagues would make her confirmation a breeze.

Legend of the Senate
The Huffington Post's Peter Dreier has long argued that Clinton's Senate career could mirror that of Ted Kennedy, who only achieved mythological status as a Senator after he lost the presidency.

Someone Else's Running Mate
In the spirit of Joe Lieberman, Clinton could pander for a spot on another party's ticket. The fastest road to the top might be getting the VP nod of America's Independent Party because their presidential nominee, Alan Keyes, would almost certainly be impeached during his first month in office.

I got my message from Barack Obama at 4:56 this morning.  I'm assuming this was some kind of attempt on Obama's part to prove that he was ready for a 3:00 am call, even on a Friday night.

Anyway, as a very sleepy Dennis reported earlier, he picked Joe Biden for VP.  Finally, the Democrats have a chance to win that coveted Delaware vote.  Obama has kindly set up a website where you can congratulate Joe.

My guess is that his choice was made a year and a half ago when Biden gave him this lovely compliment:

"I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy … I mean, that's a storybook, man."

Here's Jon Stewart from January of last year helping Biden with that sentence.