I don't want to be a broken record. For one thing, broken records repeat things over and over again, and for another thing, broken records repeat things over and over again.

But I'm going to continue talking about voting problems because they keep popping up.

If you are in Philadelphia, PA and you click the box for Obama, and then click straight Democratic ticket, it will cancel out your vote for Obama. No one is quite sure why, but it's happening. I just talked to the Obama campaign, and they are urging folks either to just vote straight Democratic ticket, or to choose each candidate individually- but not both. Please Digg and spread this piece of information to anyone widely. My understanding is there are Obama folks in Philly trying to work through this problem, but please let anyone who might be voting know as well. Sorry for the shortness of this diary, but I just wanted to get the word out there.

Why is it America can't do something that it's been doing for like 200 years? That's like if I started playing golf every day for the next 200 years and then when I got out to a golf course, I shoved the golf club up my butt and drove a golf kart into my penis.

Another election, another Florida result that is too close to call.  At least at this point.  The state seems to be setting the stage for another recount, just in case anyone's up for one.  They've already arranged for…

* An incredibly tight vote count.

* A scare campaign targetted at elderly Jews.

* A dirty tricks campaign targetted at first-time voters.

* A suicidal squirrel impeding early voting.

But wouldn't you know it, the rest of the country isn't playing along.  Pennsylvania has already gone for Barack Obama and voting is proceding in an orderly fashion from Maine to Kentucky to Missouri.

And Pat Buchanan's name isn't on the ballot.

Today has been a pretty exciting day. I think my candidate will win. I'm drunk on ten cans of coca cola. And my stomach is full of pizza and butterflies.

But the massive amount of election fraud in Florida, my home state, is seriously harshing my buzz, dudes.

Nearly 400 people were planted firmly in line at 6:15 this morning, waiting for the polls to open at 7:00 AM. There is one voting machine to accommodate all of them.

Sigh. But I guess this happens. At least there's not another layer to this that makes the news extra icky…

The area (sic) almost entirely African American. Many of the people never have voted before.

Damn me for writing the opposite of the truth and then immediately writing the truth! It just makes the truth hurt more, ya know?

Election monitors noticed a man in line who appeared to be a voter. Turns out he was a saboteur, telling people the Democrats were supposed to vote at a different location.

Some of the voters said they were robocalled last night. The message — Democrats weren't supposed to vote until Wednesday.

Isn't there at least one piece of news that's inspiring and heart-warming?

One woman was 101 years old. She was wheeled into the polling place and on her way out she said that before she died, she wanted to vote for a black man.

The second I read that, something inside me churned its way into an amazing emotion. A weird sound crawled up my throat, and physically came out of my mouth. That sound was, "wow."

[via Huffington Post]

Did you know rock stars vote just like you and me? You know who else votes like you and me? Really bad pop punk stars.

Given their fame and fortune, you might think Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump were more important than you and I.

I never thought Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump were more important than me. In fact, I don't even think Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz and Patrick Stump are more important than a jar of mayonnaise. But that's not a knock to them, because I love mayonnaise.

Well, apparently mayonnaise has to wait in long lines to vote, just like you and me. Wait, what?

Voting was well worth it for the "rockers," because afterward, they are heading to the bitchingest party this side of Ralph Nader's election night cocaine blow-out.

"I'm hanging out with Diddy tonight," Wentz said. "I don't know what Diddy gives out when he sees the 'I Voted' sticker, [but you know it's] something crazy!"

See? They are no different from you and me. They have to wait in long lines and then go get a crazy gift from Diddy!

For Wentz's sake I hope the crazy gift is musical talent.

… to get free Starbucks coffee.  Turns out a couple of activist judges huddled in a corner and decided that the powerful chain's free-coffee-for-voters promotion was a violation of the law…

Starbucks, which announced in an ad on "Saturday Night Live" that it would give a free coffee to anyone who came in on Election Day and said, "I voted," has been forced to change its plan.

Now anyone who wants the free coffee gets it, voter or not.

It turns out that a giveaway to voters could violate election laws in some states that prohibit gifts for voters.  While these laws are generally intended to discourage attempts to influence voters, the lawyers were worried the Starbucks policy might be a violation.

In the spirit of the Starbucks announcement, Diebold Election Systems offered their services to make John McCain president without anyone having to actually vote, but that proposal has been declined.

So far at least.

I'm wearing clothes and writing about politics, but to be honest, I would much rather not be wearing clothes and masturbating about politics. Which is why I admire the fact that the Naked Cowboy is willing to jerk off to CNN's cameras and predict a landslide for McCain.

To quote Gabe from Videogum, "while it comes as some surprise that this sad caricature of human desperation is now considered a legitimate interview subject and basically a CNN pundit apparently, it comes as NO surprise that he's the absolute worst."