Bipartisan debate, proposed legislation, presidential addresses, blah blah. What does an unemployed Alaskan woman think about health care reform? That is the real question. Gosh, if only we knew an unemployed Alaskan woman with access to a typing machine.

Oh, right! Sarah Palin, the Martin Luther of Facebook. She has typed up another important message about health care, and I'll score it for you here:

Mentions of Ronald Reagan: 1

Mentions of death panels: 1

Mentions of God/Jesus Christ/Trig Palin: 0. There is a reference to "the weakest among us," but that could also mean Todd, maybe.

Total score: 2 (?) out of 3

One strange thing I just noticed — Sarah Palin seems to have figured out a hack that lets her post her Facebook notes on the Wall Street Journal's op-ed page. How the hell did she do that? And where is the "Don't Like" button?

Are you wearing your laughing pants? Because, if not, you'd better go change into them or else you're gonna get laugh juice all over your stoic pants…

Wall Street Journal columnist James Taranto opined on Monday that — if the 2012 election were to turn to national security — "it's hard to think* of a better candidate… than Richard B. Cheney."

Hahahahahahahaha! Ha ha ha! Hahahaha! Ha!

But while his headline — "Cheney for President" — provoked guffaws in some quarters, several of the party's most well-regarded strategists and pollsters are actually taking the idea deadly seriously.

Hoooooo! Hahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaaaaa!!!

"The Republican Party needs to move forward and build on its past, not return to it," Alex Castellanos, a frequent CNN analyst and GOP messaging guru, told the Huffington Post via email. "But if the agenda turns to security, Obama is mired in a no-win mess in Afghanistan, and the Obama administration hasn't created a single job in four years after indebting the nation for generations, maybe Dick Cheney could run on a theme of 'Change'."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwww!

Shit. I just got sad juice all over my laughing pants.

.

_{* I'll bet the phrase "hard to think" comes up often in James Taranto's conversations.}

Now that Sarah Palin has joined the ranks of the unemployed, a poll from the Wall Street Journal and NBC asks Americans if they'd like to see her get a new job someday.

Specifically, the one job for which she is well-suited, at least in the sartorial sense…

Two-thirds, 67%, said they don’t ever want the former Alaska governor to be president, compared with the 21% who said they would.

(The 12% who kept quiet on the issue are probably under summons from Sarah Palin's lawyers.)

Anyway, in typical drive-by fashion, the Wall Street Journal is framing this story as "a majority of Americans do not want Sarah Palin to become president," even though TWENTY-ONE PERCENT of people say yes, sure, give the deranged quittin' lady the nuclear codes.

That seems like a lot, no? Almost one-quarter of the people in the survey? On the other hand, Sarah Palin has a ton of relatives.

And who knows, maybe Tina Fey does too.

Whose job does a basic cable host have to stroke to get on Keith Olbermann's Worst Person in the World list these days?

The Colbert Report airs Monday through Thursday at 11:30pm / 10:30c.

Cheeto-stained keyboards all over the country were burning up this morning after The Wall Street Journal reported that President-elect Obama was flip-flopping on his pro-net-neutrality position and Google was in secret talks to buy preferential treatment for their content from service providers. But as it turns out, WSJ were just ObamaOpposesNetNeutralityRolling us.

The Journal story (which was strongly disputed by Google and many others) also suggests, based on scant evidence, that Obama's position may have softened. But the paper didn't appear to contact the Obama team for any comment.

So we did. Asked if the Obama camp had shifted its stance in any way on net neutrality or softened its commitment to it, Shapiro answered: "No." Even limited public declarations (such as this one) from the Obama transition team about the incoming administration's priorities have been few and far between.

Well that's a relief. I'm glad to know that instead of being sold to the highest bidder, top internet search results will still belong to those with the most effective content. My friend, Lindsay Lohan Nude Naked Sex Video Fucking Topless totally agrees.

You know you did a good job in a vice-presidential debate when Famous Person has such grandiose praise for you…

I wonder what Competent Politician and Not Head Up Ass Pundit thought of her performance.

Anyway, I did a little research (very little) and discovered that Famous Person is actually WSJ columnist Peggy Noonan speaking on NBC News.

So, yeah, I guess I'd have gone with "Famous Person," too.